New Bananas Foster Cappuccino
March 3rd, 2009by Richard Cox
TULSA, OK-
I normally refuel my car at QuikTrip, a regional convenience store chain that differentiates itself from others with clean facilities and prompt, friendly customer service. I mean, I don’t really give a shit about the customer service because I always pay at the pump, but on the occasion that I do have to go inside for something, it’s not an unpleasant experience the way some of those places are. It’s clean and brightly lit and the employees aren’t scary.
QuikTrip probably breaks even on us pay-at-the-pumpers, so in order to make a profit they try to lure us inside to buy goods and services. The way they try to convince us is to advertise these goods and services near the pumps, and usually the ads involve food. Because we’re all in a hurry and usually hungry, right? One recent ad was for some kind of breakfast confectionery concoction, like a cake or a biscuit or a strudel (I don’t really remember exactly) that I presume is manufactured in a giant plant somewhere. And since QuikTrip marketers realize most Tulsans are overweight, that many of them probably feel a constant, nagging guilt about eating too much of the wrong foods, the tag line they chose was:
“Because you have all day to burn it off.”
They know most of us won’t burn it off, but that doesn’t matter because the profit margin on the breakfast is large in comparison to gasoline. And besides, if no one was overweight, the exercise machine business would dry up.
I realize that in order to sell something you often are forced to market it. But at what point does the sheer gaudiness of advertising gall us enough to ignore it? And what about the quality of the product? When do we finally put our foot down and say “no” to the McRib? Pressed pork in the shape of a rack of ribs? Bones included? Really?
Where I live, when you drive down any of the main city streets, the curbside advertising is often downright ugly. Businesses fight for the attention of your eyes with nothing less than their survival at stake. When you’re looking for a tailor shop, for a Greek restaurant, for a salon, you welcome those many-colored signs hoisted high into the air, but when you’re just driving home from work, caught in traffic, when you actually look at this marketing with a more critical eye, it almost seems sad. Desperate, even.
Over the years, Tulsa has gradually expanded southward, and traveling from north to south is like driving through time. The farther south you go, the worse the problem gets–except in planned, affluent neighborhoods–but even those residents are forced to drive into the commerce to buy the things they want.
Advertisers have become more brazen over the years, I suppose, because there is more competition than ever for services rendered. More companies offering more services means more ads competing for your attention. Everyone speaks a little louder until the conversation on what to do with your money becomes a roar imploring you to spend.
But on what? Unique, durable items that wow you with their innovation and quality? Or cheap, soulless shit stacked twelve feet high at your local Wal Mart Supercenter? It’s your choice, really. After all this is America.
I find it telling, though, that the best restaurants in Tulsa employ modest, even subtle signage. Advertising isn’t a priority because apparently word of mouth does the job more effectively.
The reason I mention all this is because on Saturday I stopped at a convenience store that wasn’t QuikTrip. This one is called (I am not making this up) Kum & Go. And while filling my car with gas, you know what I saw on the nozzle? An ad for NEW BANANAS FOSTER CAPPUCCINO!
On the oily nozzle of the gas pump.
At Kum & Go.
Doesn’t that sound delicious?
Tags: advertising, bananas foster cappuccino, kum & go, marketing, processed food, quiktrip






















Another convenience store in your neck of the woods is called ‘Loaf ‘N Jug’. Therefore if you’re not close to ‘Kum & Go’ you can always ‘Loaf ‘N Jug’.
Stop and come? Come ‘N Jugs?
That. Sounds. Disgusting.
Maybe there should be a toggle switch so the cappuccino and the gasoline can Kum out of the same nozzle?
Also - you should taste the stuff and write a “Review of New Food” over at McSweeney’s Internet Tendency.
Sounds like it’s right up their [gasoline] alley.
Here’s the link: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/newfood/
Excellent bit, Dickie.
So, when does the revolution start?
Thanks, Brina. But wait…you mean the revolution didn’t already start?
Shit.
I’ve been watching the TV constantly but apparently they’re not showing it…
I am the proud owner of a Kum & Go tee shirt. The guy who sold it to me, looked me dead in the eyes and said with a thick hindi accent, “That’ll be 10.89 even”.
I went to school in Kellyville as a kid. We lived a 1/4 of a mile up a dirt road from lake Keystone. Tulsa used to be such a beautiful town.
Great post!
The older parts are still beautiful. But you should see what they’re doing in Broken Arrow. They mow down all the trees and put up these big boxes that are supposed to be houses.
They cut down all the trees!
Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone?
I’m sorry for insulting your town. I just wish they wouldn’t cut down all the trees and then plant Bradford pears that fall down during ice storms. And it wouldn’t hurt to vary the floor plans, would it?
However, I assume all that painting you’ve done must make your house the most unique one in the whole town.
I hate those stinky, weak-limbed Bradford pears! Stupid trees. They don’t even give us fruit, they just smell bad and break like they’ve been dipped in liquid nitrogen at the first sign of ice. We have an Autumn Fire maple in the front yard and planted a Leyland Cypress fleet against the back fence for privacy. No Bradfords. Whew.
There is nothing unique about my house—just not enough paint or fun kitchen tile backsplashes in the world. And I have new development guilt all of the time. There’s a family of hawks living in the trees on the other side of our fence and I am dreading the day they clear those trees for more buildings. I’m a part of the problem, Richard.
But it was this brand new house with an open floor plan and a huge backyard for my son in a good school district -or- a moldy, decrepit rabbit warren-ish fifties rancher money pit in the Carnegie elementary school district, which was the the only one in Tulsa to which we’d send the kiddo. Same price. The OCD girl is going to pick brand new over Other People’s Filth every time. Sigh.
OMG! Thats horrid! The trees are one of the nicest things about that area. Miles and miles of green all summer long. Damn.
I might be an idiot for not being able to figure this out, but what in the name of god does “New Bananas Foster Cappuccino” mean? Is “New Bananas Foster” the brand name? Or is it simply a statement? Do new bananas literally foster cappuccino? Those four words would have enough to send me inside the Kum n’ Go to start asking questions.
Ha. Good point.
Bananas Foster is a dessert made with bananas and vanilla ice cream. The cook generally makes it in front of you with rum and liqueurs and it catches on fire while he does it. I don’t particularly care for it, but it’s sort of a high-end dessert.
It does not deserve to be reduced to a chemical flavoring in gas station coffee.
Ah, ok. Thanks for the explanation. I now feel like an utter philistine.
Pump ‘n Grind?
*runs off to file a small business application @ town hall*
Application granted!
Advertising is evil.
P.S. You wrote about this with such … joie de mots. Okay, I made that up. But there was something celebratory and Nabokovian about this that made me giddy. Even though it was all wrong and disturbing.
Advertising is evil, albeit necessary, as you can attest. But there’s no reason for it to abandon all sense of decorum…I guess unless the product itself is as tacky as Bananas Foster Cappuccino at a gas station.
Nabokovian, eh? That is a compliment of the highest order. Or are you making fun of me?
I never joke about Nabokov.
nor advertising…
My husband collects Kum & Go shirts. Awesome.
It was so cool to read this and be able to visualize everything you were talking about so perfectly.
Well, it helps that you live here.
Wonderful blog — as usual. Thanks for the great read.
Thank you, Nan.
You had me at the blog title. OMG Bananas Foster Cauppucino. Hysterical.
I write advertising for a living and I can sleep at night. It can be very fun and challenging, fortunately Kum & Go is not one of our clients.
I still work in the real world in addition to writing novels, and as it happens, I work in marketing, which means I write ad copy, too. So I hear you. But bad content offends me, as does the general public’s willingness to accept shitty products and marketing.
I don’t have as much a problem with the process as I do the sometimes-awful results of it. Why do so many Americans have low standards? I mean, have you walked through a Super Wal Mart lately?
I need to proofread my comments. sorry for the typos.
Wow–you brought me back to my Iowa days…the Kum & Go. I remember that.
I especially loved the last few lines of this essay. I couldn’t stop laughing while my children kept saying, “What? What?” And of course, I can’t really explain it to them. But thank you!
They have them in Iowa, also? Is it like a cancer?
Well Richard!? I feel like I’m back in Art History class. But, seriously, the glut is tacky and morally depressing and yes downright Nabakovian since this culture was such a shock to his senses-