Yes, I took a picture with Brandt Snedeker, but that’s beside the point: a golf blog
August 22nd, 2007by Richard Cox
TULSA, OK-
The morning is soupy, humid and warm, and we all know the mercury will climb quickly. A ride on a bus and an uphill walk, rubbing elbows with an army of spectators, and then I see the sun breaking over the roof of the club house. Shadows stretch across the golf course, a man-made jewel. The sky is infinite shades of pink and blue.
I never get up this early. As far as I’m concerned, the day doesn’t begin until two hours after sunrise. Minimum. But I might as well capture this rare moment for digital review at some later time, so I reach into my pocket and retrieve my camera. Push the power button.
Nothing happens.
I push it again, but knowledge surges into me like guilt, and I see clearly the camera battery mounted in the charger. Which is plugged into the wall. At home.
Today is the day I chose to take pictures–the Tuesday practice round–because tomorrow I’m working, and during the actual tournament, cameras are prohibited.
Because of the bus system and the long walk, the round trip time between this spot and my house is probably an hour and a half. Maybe even longer.
I stuff the camera back into my pocket.
Through the trees I notice a group of golfers on the fourth green. One of them is Tiger Woods. I happen to be standing near the fifth tee, so I walk over and find a spot on the ropes, directly behind the tee.
Two minutes later, here comes Bubba Watson and Tiger Woods, two of the biggest hitters on the PGA TOUR, about to tee off on one of the longest holes in major championship golf. A 653-yard par 5.
And I have no camera.
But wait! I smuggled my cell phone into the tournament! It has a 2 megapixel camera! Phones are definitely not allowed here at the PGA Championship, but I get it out anyway and snap a couple of shots. Even though I know they won’t turn out well.
You know what, though? It’s okay.
It’s no secret that I’m into golf. I like to think that if I could quit my job and practice full-time, I could probably make a living at it. Either playing or instructing. But I don’t, because I already chose “writing novels” as my pipe dream career. It would probably be greedy to have two.
The PGA Championship two weeks ago was one of the most rewarding weeks I’ve had in a while. I volunteered as a marshal on one of the more famous holes in golf, I was able to watch the sport being played at its highest level, and I was there when Tiger Woods won his 13th major.
That all this happened a couple of miles from my house made the experience that much more sublime.
A lot of people asked me afterwards: Did you see Tiger? Did you see Tiger?
Yeah, I did. Being inside the ropes, I was pretty close.
Did you get his autograph? people asked. Get a picture with him?
I am a big fan of Tiger Woods because he set his sights on one of the most hallowed records in sports and has steadily marched toward it for the past twelve years. I am a fan because he is about the same height and body type as me, and I can look at his swing as a model. Surprisingly, I hit the ball about as far as Tiger (though nowhere near as precisely). It’s fun to compare your skill level with the best in the world, to imagine what it would be like to play a round with Tiger or any of the best golfers.
But what would I do with an autograph? His name hastily scribbled on a ball cap? A photograph might be interesting, but only if it were taken after I had a conversation with the guy.
Because who is Tiger Woods? I don’t know. Who is Stephen King or Jonathan Franzen or any well-known person I admire for their skills? I don’t know them. They don’t know me.
Would I like to play golf with Tiger? Discuss fiction with Franzen? Of course I would. But I would do it as a peer, not a fan.
To do so is to acknowledge some gap between us, some difference in what we bring to the world, and I’m not prepared to do that.
I can understand children pining for an autograph. But I don’t really get it with adults…and yet I’ve happily signed many books. For readers I meet in bookstores, for friends. It seems very hypocritical, I know. Maybe the difference is that at a book signing, I have the chance to speak with readers.
Or maybe I’m conceited.
All I know is that I prefer to take pictures with the people I care about. The people I talk to every day. The people who I share my life with.
But hey, Tiger: Let me know the next time you have an open spot in your foursome. I’m free. And this time I’ll have a battery in my camera.
Oh, be greedy. Have two pipe dreams. It’s not as if they take up a lot of space in your head.
I’ve always looked at asking for an autograph at a book signing as a way to show appreciation for the author’s work, but only if you get it personalized and don’t sell it on eBay.
Screw autographs. Autographs are for sissies.
Now you know if that man asked you if you wanted an autograph you wouldnt say no!
The guy in the middle has nerts.
Having golf as a career would mean practicing five or six hours a day. So right now I can’t do it. Just a couple hundred thousand more books sold, though, and I might give it a try.
Julie, if he asked I wanted an autograph, I can honestly say I would step aside and let a kid have my spot. Seeing the smile on a kid’s face would mean a lot more than Tiger’s signature sitting on a shelf in my house.
Very cool, Richard. Glad you had a fun time.
So how many subscribers have you lost thus far? I’m strangely excited about it. I lose a few every SBT.
Hee!
Haven’t lost any yet. But the day is young. Offsite link + golf = exodus. Hahaha.
I watched the mad autograph hounds and wondered, what ever for? I assume it’s proof that they got that close to someone rather unattainable.
Forgetting the battery - Laymo move wiseguy
Smuggeling in the phone - You realize I’ll have to report you…
Comparing your physique to Tiger’s - Priceless humor, you should really be a comedian!
Here… sign this, will ya!?!
Remind me to tell you the story of how an autograph story turned bad introduced me to Myspace and caused me to set up a profile and start blogging.
No lie.
Well, I figured someone would call me out on the body type thing, and who better than you, Josie?
Certainly the man is more muscular than me. But not by much. He only weighs 185 pounds, after all.
Soooo, I take it you and Snedeker had a lengthy discussion on golf, peer to peer, right? And what exactly are you holding in your hand in that picture? Could it be an autographed ball cap???
This… this isn’t MySpace. I feel weird.
Me too. I think I’m going to unsubscribe..
I already did
Me, too.
*SNORT!*
*Passes tissue to MBM*
Wow, I just realized I’ve never been that close to Supremo before - and me without my bag of flour - damn!
Who says you can’t interact in the comments here? haha.
Okay, now to actually comment on your article… very cool. It must have been very exciting to be there, around players you admire.
p.s. I like autographs. They make books worth more when you sell them on ebay.
Richard, sign this, will ya - I’m having trouble unloading this thing….
Hey, who’s the stud with you and Snedeker in that pic? I bet he’s a golfer too, hunh?
Man I agree - I live in an artist town and people are always asking me “Do you know…” and you have to explain there’s a difference between knowing and meeting.
No autographs indeed. The guy in EW write an excellent article on meeting celebrities and bascially said he doesnt because they dont want to meet him.
Good point.
I was in Tulsa that weekend, as well. Only I was out partying with John Daly, Betty Ford and a bunch of hookers.
Looks like YOU had a great time!
“knowledge surges into me like guilt”
I really dug that line.
I also really liked the first four paragraphs. They are discriptive yet sparse, they put me right there from the start without weighing me down with details.
Richard, what if there are NO kids and it’s just you and him alone…in a room…with your clothes off…okay okay…but no kids. you’d take it
Fiona, that comment made me laugh hard.
Good piece Richard, but I don’t see what’s wrong with accepting the fact that there is a gap between someone like yourself and Tiger Woods. He’s one of the greatest and most prolific athletes ever.
And ole Johnny Box is a realist. I’d greedily except an autograph from Jerry Mathers, Andry Rooney, or New York (of the VH1 show Flavor of Love and later, I Love New York). If you’re on TV, you must be special.
Note to John Box: Please see third paragraph from the end…
Yeah, Bubba can crush it. He and Boo actually grew up right down the road from me, so we’ve played a lot of the same courses. Anyway, I remember one time when Bubba was in a group behind mine, and he hit into us. I don’t think he meant to necessarily, but we let them play through nonetheless.
I’m the same way when it comes to autographs.
I’d play a foursome with Tiger, too, though. Uh huh…
You had me at “soupy, humid and warm.”
IMO, TNB is the autograph and myspace is definitely the conversation - thanks for taking the time to shake my hand Mr.Cox
(This however, looks nothing like your autograph.)
Fear not, I am not a fan, no no, I do not consider myself your peer. I’m far more conceited than that.