Maybe SHE’S Just Not That Into You - 7 Counter Rules for Men
January 27th, 2009by Megan Power
SAN ANTONIO, TX-
A megastar movie based on a New York Times best-selling book based on a Sex & The City episode drops February 6th. Fashioning an acerbic advice book into a screenplay is a feat only writers like Charlie Kaufman can safely ignore.
He’s Just Not That Into You was published in 2004 and struck a significant chord. It seems only fair if not mildly treasonous to return the favor to men.
My baseline position is that men usually know when a woman is just not that into them (unlike women, who are masters of self-delusion, false optimism and denial). You men, you don’t care. You get off on a certain level of pursuit. Experience has taught you the power of persistence. Sun Tzu’s Art of War, etc.
Fine.
But for those men who are tired of treading water, sick of being a chump and especially for those poor souls who have clearly lost their way, let the following be your guide.
1. She’s Just Not That Into You if she doesn’t offer to pay for shit.
Women will keep men in their lives they have no feelings for simply because these men whip out their wallets on cue. Practical necessity? OK sometimes. Learn to spot the far more common garden variety greediness. It’s not something we’re wracked with guilt over either (hello, we still make seventy five cents to your dollar for the exact same job. If you want to try to make that up to us, we sure as hell will let you). Unless we’re really into you. A girl who’s into you will at minimum offer to pay. It’s the gesture of offering that tells a man how a woman feels and, additionally, if she’s up to the task of true partnership. Even a woman earning diddly squat will pick up the tab for cheap things like coffee or breakfast. And she’ll give you stuff: books, burned CDs, baby cactuses, bus passes. Tokens of her affection. If your girl don’t pay for shit and don’t give you tiny little presents, she is using you for your money.
Let’s say, for argument’s sake, you bank. You don’t even mind paying for every single bar tab, restaurant bill, movie ticket, airfare, trip to the mall. It makes you feel generous and important and manly to be able to provide such things for the girl in your life. Especially if said girl is hot, and she’s in school getting her degree and can’t afford those sexy Nine West stiletto boots…
Dude, you are being used. If you’re ok with that, you have self-esteem issues. You need counseling. A month surfing in Costa Rica. Something. How can you not know how many badass women are out there? Women who have their shit together financially and everything-else-ily?
Getting used for money is so 1998. Grow a fucking pair. You can rent someone’s heart or you can experience the bliss of love. Do either with open eyes.
2. She’s Just Not That Into You if she claims she’s “not over” her ex.
Both genders use this tired excuse - it’s the easiest way to turn someone down. Soften the blow. Even get some sympathy. Do not be fooled or moved! Do not try to help her through it! Do not stick around! Be smart and disappear. The only appropriate response to a girl making this claim is, “I sincerely wish you best of luck getting over so and so. I really hope you can work though it and feel better. Give me a call next July.” And she might. But the point is, the truth is, most people will suck it up and throw some duct tape over their busted heart if a new person they consider attractive, smart and nice comes sniffing around. Plus the only surefire way to get over an ex is to date someone else so it’s pretty counterintuitive to play the “oh it’s too soon” card. Go ahead and call bullshit. TIP: a good vetting device? Date people close to your level of singlehood. Single for seven months? Nice to meet you. Broke up last weekend? Excuse me gotta go.
3. She’s Just Not That Into You if you’re doing her.
Hooking up leads to love as often as LinkedIn leads to a dream job. Why do we pretend it can work? Because it’s a convenient belief. Because we’re horny. Women are dying to get off too you know and sometimes biological urges override our emotional braking system. Still, we’re all apprised of the odds. Chances are if she’s really into you, she’s terrified of messing things up between you two by adding horizontal gymnastics into the mix. She’s probably dying to get naked but resisting the impulse with varying levels of success. Conventional wisdom holds that good relationships sprout from causal friendships which progress at normal speed into romances. Love rarely blooms after a night of hard drinking at Lucky Lounge. It’s also wise not to underestimate the effect of squawking norms from yesteryear which told women they were “sluts” if they “put out” too soon. Many women still equate sex with leverage somehow. So if you and your girl are having doggy style Thursdays it’s not love. It’s not even in the neighborhood of love. It’s sport. Cool? Cool. Just don’t go around pretending you’re her boyfriend. You’re not. Which isn’t to say you won’t ever be. C’est posible. People win the lottery every day. The odds never change, but it does happen.
4. She’s Just Not Into You if she speaks flippantly about excretory or menstrual functions.
These are topics of excrutiating shame in the romantic realm, at least initially. And at least initially a woman will usually avoiding pooping in a 5 mile radius of a guy she’s really into. It’s not healthy or easy but it’s what we do. If a girl is reporting her bowel movements or flow density in an offhand manner/in graphic detail, you have been relegated to Friend status. Not a good place to be. It could take years before she realizes you’re boyfriend material. Don’t you think you deserve a woman who isn’t voluntarily blind? Who can plainly see how awesome you are? Get this girl a Costco pack of Always with wings and tell her you can’t wait forever.
5. She’s Just Not That Into You if she takes her sweet ass time returning your calls.
If a woman never calls you, you cannot tell anything from this. Through various channels of public mockery women have been made aware of our tendency to call men too much. We sorta for the most part get it. You don’t like being stalked. Roger that, loud and clear. But not returning your calls is something else entirely. If she doesn’t call, email or text you back within a day or two sorry she is just not that into you. Keep on moving.
6. She’s Just Not That Into You if some guy is slapping her ass at the bar.
If she is openly giving other guys attention right in front of your face (see also: getting hit on and loving it), she is an attention whore. Let her be one. Peacefully walk away. Far away. As my friend Lisa*, avid collector of men she’s not really into puts it, “A girl who’s really into you doesn’t create a space for that to happen.” If you two are at the bar and some guy’s patting her butt while she giggles and meekly swats his paw away, you’re choopped liver. See the exit sign over there? Follow it. Go to the next bar. Meet the kickass woman who’s waiting over there for someone great like you.
7. She’s Just Not That Into You if you get the side hug.
How does she hug you? It’s important. It says a lot. The side hug, the one arm, or worse, the Oprah hug (all body contact blocked, interlaced fingers of both hands serving as the greeting) speak volumes. The hug of a girl who’s really into should include both arms. Some breast contact. Pelvis touching or nearly touching. Slow to part. Hugging her should be warm and slightly dizzying. It should feel good.
This concludes my post.
All the TNB ladies, all the TNB ladies
All the TNB ladies, all the TNB ladies
If you take umbrage with any of the above points, do feel free to explain or contribute your own ideas.
Men, you are welcome.
Tags: He's Just Not That Into You, Relationships, Sex and The City
I’m still a little clueless - are you into me?
J, I AM really into you but then you are all into your wife. That is not working for me.
So anyway. Que sera sera. Can I talk about my period now? It’s awful. I am so bloated! Gosh. It’s gross.
It’s not gross, you are a delicate flower, blooming into the beautiful woman you must one day become. You should skip across the room and sing something from…..um, Mulan.
OMG - I need some time to process how precisely to respond, but in short: I LOVED THIS!!!
I’m serious Megan, I can’t stop crying/laughing/crying/snorting/laughing/crying at the pure and unadulterated genius of this.
Brilliant.
I’m SO into you.
Kimberly Wetherell, thank you so much! I’m really jazzed it didn’t piss anyone off.
dude no no no
i *never* let a man pay for me, and if he manages to convince me i spend the next week feeling uncomfortable about it. and if i really am not into a guy, i make sure to pay the whole check and not let him pay at all, cause i feel bad that i’m not going to blow him.
the rest i’m more or less on board with, with the obvious note that exceptions exist all over the place.
See, this has been my experience with women. When I was still dating, it was always the women who weren’t into to me that were less willing to let me pay. They wanted to set the tone right away. THIS IS NOT A DATE!!!.
I believe the money factor is about control. My personal point of view is that if I let the guy pay for everything all the time, I feel I have no control over the situation.
Is not only about being nice or me liking the guy or not, is about independence.
The problem is when men misinterpret this attitude and just want to go even all the time, then that is just being cheap. Girls only go 100% even with guys that are only friends.
Don’t get me wrong, at the end, after a few dates you will be able to see if the girl is a gold digger or not, is not that hard to see if you have an average brain size.
Oh my gosh, yes! I have absolutely no money EVER, but I will for sure pay if I have no intentions of ever seeing you again or sleeping with you. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t want them to feel cheated out of their money or if it’s because I don’t want to feel like I owe them something. I just feel guilty if they pay when I’m totally not into them.
Addendums to #1
- Some nice women feel very, very bad they can’t chip in.
- Sometimes when a woman pays for things, it ALSO means she’s not that into you. She wants you gone. Tricky stuff. Pay attention to her hug.
Lenore Zion. I do delcare that any man should have uncontrollable pre-cum dribbles wetting his pant front just being in your presence. My feeling about BJs is: not after a nice dinner.
I had to make some pretty broad generalizations to get to 7 points. My personal indicator? I have only 1. Guess which number.
psssh i wish. men just reject me right and left. guys don’t like emotional problems.
The problem isn’t that you’re
kookoo
but rather
that you aren’t quite
kookoo
enough
oops, sorry, i got your fortune cookie.
Wow are you wrong
Cool, calm and collected is a combination of boring and intimidating (to men not entirely C^3 themselves, eg. me). Emotionally unbalanced, to a certain degree (there are limits), is interesting and endearing; ref: Garden State, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (since our author mentioned Charlie Kaufman), Nurse Betty, Benny & Joon etc.
On multiple medications? I’ll pass, but slightly neurotic? Where do you want to go for dinner (no BJ required)?
oh and i’d guess 3 for you. no BJs after a nice dinner! you’re a LADY.
A lady with a weak gag reflex.
So what kind of dinner would lead to a BJ? A taco stand outside The Falls? hehe
My guess is #2.
p.
PS: How do i upload my avatar to this thing?
Hi Pete! I’d say the chances of getting blown after a late-night taco stand visit are probably decent. Not with me, but in general.
Go to http://www.gravatar.com
Megan, you are hilarious. I am going to laugh for the rest of the day. Good show!
You chicks are talking really naughty. Does that mean you’re into me?
I have my mega-box of maxi pads all prepped and ready to go.
I’d give you a side-hug, but I’m still getting over my last internet cyber-boyfriend.
D’you mind picking up the check? That guy sitting next to us at the bar stole my wallet when he grabbed my ass.
*spits coffee on his computer screen*
I suggest you read it all again. Slowly.
Sorry Kimberly, that was for 11. Not you! I’d like to compliment your synthesis there. Men probably only have the patience to read that…
I figured as much.
Hey! I thought of a new one:
She’s Just NOT That Into You if she wears her glasses in public BEFORE you have slept together.
Fuzzy logic, but true.
Ba-dum-bum.
Excellent!! She will sleep in her contact lenses, potentially causing long term damage to her eyes, before wearing glasses in front of you.
11 also says you can tell by her laugh…amount of laughing I think he means
Good one about paying Megan, and do not think boys do not notice if a girl does not offer to pay or co-pay, we always do, as well as we always appreciate very much when a girl offers to pay. That kind is a keeper!
Great writing, as always
Jools, women should always at least offer to go splits or pay. Always offer! A half-hearted reach for the purse. It’s just good manners. Sometimes we need to insist on paying. And men need to let us.
i like it, especially the hug part. i seen a lot of those (with the womb area sticking as far away as possible) you should have added looking at the lips and wide eyes and nostrils, and touching her hair, but that is when girl likes you, right?
Wait a minute? People have “Doggy Style Thursdays” just for sport?
Good grief.
What can I say? You are ten points away from publication of what could essentially be the heterosexual male handbook to female sexual shorthand. I would suggest, Megan, that rather than percolating these handy tips into bite sized and digestible pointers, you should be expanding and giving details. Men need all the help they can get. A college degree, penis and smoothly delivered lines are no longer enough or at the very least, not enough.
Will you be the Greg Bernhardt to my Liz Tuccillo, Clive?
This is a fantastic piece of writing, Megan, and so spot-on! Now granted, I myself haven’t dated men in almost a decade (and for that, I thank my wife–no offense, guys), but you have rather perceptively boiled this down to seven nice nuggets. Bravo, my dear!
And “everything-else-ily”? Fucking brilliant. It was my favorite word in the whole piece.
I think this was a quicky for you! great “teen mag” article.
You always can tell if she is into you by looking at the eyes,
just learn to read them!
Teen mag article? Gee thanks, A, for the quickie read and quickie comment.
WOW Meg! It was about time we talk about the other side of the story. We girls are always pictured as the ones begging for the guys to pay attention to us so thanks for this really well written and interesting “Rules for men”.
My favorite definitely, # 4, what I don’t understand the most is why when we women don’t want to talk about this topic, some man insist and making us feel comfortable trying to ask us if we have been able to go to the bathroom everyday!!!???… Hey! I am in to you already so please don’t ask me about my private times…..
The money situation so true, I believe that if you really like the guy, you would offer to pay at least for things you can afford, not only to be nice and make him understand you are not after his money, f he has some, but that you are independent and that you don’t need him for more than love and maybe some good sex
This comment comes along with #3, I would never give a BJ to someone I don’t have strong feelings for, even if these feelings are strongly sexual.
#2 no comments, you talk about your ex too much; you are not even allowed to go out on a date.
# 7 I can’t say much either, I am Latin, I hug everyone.
And a very important one # 5, so true! If you give me your email, you cell phone number, your home phone number and even your work phone number and I don’t return your calls…. Please forget about it! My head is somewhere else!
very nice … i recently had an issue where i was dating a guy for a month or so and realized i was completely not into him anymore. BUT he was soooo nice that i couldn’t figure out how to let him down easily. it was one of those instances when he would come over and just would NOT leave (11pm on sunday and he’s still hanging out from a friday night dinner date). so i left town for a week, didn’t call him and haven’t seen him since (this was august).
the result, i keep getting texts and invites to go out…which i kept replying to, nicely letting him down with excuses…”i’m have allergies, i just had dinner, etc.”
finally i just had to stop responding all together, even though i felt like a horrible bitch. thankfully, that seemed to work. i definitely felt like the guy in the relationship…”get out of my house!” “i need my space!” etc etc.
and i concur with the offering to pay … YOU GOTTA DO IT if you are remotely into the guy. the worst is, however, when you offer without really ever wanting to chip in and then they take you up on it…..le sigh.
N, I remember him! “Nicely letting him down” i wonder if that is a disservice.
#8 A girl who’s really into you, though suffering from severe Texas allergies, will take a Zyrtec and meet you up.
haha … yes! that is the perfect number 8!
had i liked him i definitely wouldn’t have popped some pills and used my neti pot to meet up with him. but since i wasn’t….meh.
MLP-
heh. okay, toots…
it is always a treat to read your stuff. i’ve always loved your voice. funny. witty. sometimes a little fuck you in there. this was no different.
you have good hysterical points. now, mind you, i’ve been off the market for 11 years. that’s a long time, MLP (my wife is sleeping her ass of in the next room - she was the wine queen last night) so i’m a little rusty in remembering the side hug, the you-pay-i-pay shit i experienced.
But when i was single i wasn’t the dating type. there was always a girl hanging around (the one that liked me but really didn’t give a rat’s ass if we didn’t bang every friday night), but i was too busy playing in a band, going to school, working, smoking dope, talking on the phone and generally not giving a shit if i had a relationship or not.
i was single from 18-24. then i dated some maniac for a couple of miserable years, dumped her, and went back to being single, drinking whiskey, back to not giving a shit…
but i have a lot of single friends. divorced. some on their second, third marriage. never married. engaged once. i’ve heard their stories. they’re horrendous and completely comical.
45 year-old men playing the phone game with some hussy who deals cards at the bellagio.
heh.
i can’t say that my wife and i will make it to the end. can’t say we won’t. life is weird that way. but if i ever was single once again i’ll remember your notes, keep an eye out.
especially the girl who tells me that the other day she had corn in her shit.
“they were like yellow polka-dots!”
take care, MLP.
MLP - I was going to say I agree with everything except #4 because I talk openly about my menstruation but then probably not “flippantly” so I was going to give them all to you… but then I read this polka-dot comment and I’m pretty certain she was flirting with dr. reno feelgood up there :::giggles::: so now I’m back to all but 4 being dead on.
This was a super blog.
I’m so into you, I’m calling right now. Here, let me pay for these blog comments. I don’t have an ex and we’re definitely not having sex Thursday or any other day :^)
:::bigheartcrossedhug::
So do I! I’m all about my flow all the time around anyone I feel comfortable with. My college friends were obsessed with my mooncup…
I guess if I’m comfortable enough to be sitting across from you over dinner, I’m probably comfortable enough to talk about my menses if they come up in conversation.
I completely disagree! I have the feeling that the moment I am able to even fart in front of my date- boyfriend –lover -husband or any of those together, I will not longer be myself.
(of course accidents happen but I mean intentionally, not caring at all if I do)
It has nothing to do with me feeling less of a woman or less attractive, I feel that the moment I won’t care about those little things would be because the magic and the stomach butterflies that I feel for that person are not there anymore.
And I expect the same from the other side….
Oh, gosh! I wouldn’t fart in front of any of my friends, or talk about poop. For some reason the only bodily function I feel okay talking about is my flow!
Helloooo Renoooo. Stay married, all the research says married people are happier. Please do remember that if a women describes the smell, sound or sight of her poo, she’s clearly communicating non-interest in you as a BF.
i once worked with this woman whose husband would shit in front of her. AND i believe she said that she also shitted in front of him.
she called it “love.”
i called it disgusting.
have no fear, MLP. if some fucker starts talking shit and blowing stewed tomatoes i won’t be into her. however, i’ll allow her to buy me drinks. i’m kind that way.
great post, man. you got 11 all dewy down there! watch out for that dude. he’s a rock star…
oh, yeah, i’ll stay married. i prefer it.
side hugs and gagging blow jobs,
r
Getting used for money is so 1998
(this is me applauding that line…standing ovation…)
I’d like to share this with my bench team, as I like to call them.
great great writing MLP
so raw and intensely succint
as we read this - most everyone shakes their heads in familiar awareness and varying degrees of agreement - but no one is shocked with disbelief or opposition - everyone kinda already really knows
and so quite regardless of gender - you know when someone’s not THAT in to you
maybe its just that you are okay with them being mildly half assily (to continue your theme) in to you
but then you are allowing and perpetuating shitty/shady behavior
and the other person can always tell that’s what you’re doing
and this makes us uneasy and untrusting that you don’t demand for yourself the honesty and treatment that you deserve
and no one wants to sign on the dotted line for someone like that
so yeah, maybe lets try to get together for a drink sometime - I’m really slammed with work right now but can try to give you a call when things settle down - hope the rest of your month - and next month - goes well - ttys - take care!
Lisa* name changed to protect the innocent — the entire premise of “He’s Just Not That Into You” the book is that women DON’T know. If they do know, it’s on a purely subconscious level, and they make many pathetic excuses for men’s disinterest, as you allude to. Making excuses. Half assing it.
You keep a stable of guys you are just not that into. Explain! Teach! Enlighten!
Jersey #1 wants to be used for his money, he defines his worth in terms of his wealth and he’s a VIP status brat who buys whatever he wants, present company included. Based on the precedents he sets - he can’t be shocked he’s a not-that-into-you magnet. Jersey #2 probably had too many sisters or mommy issues… etc and so on and so forth
so all of your personal issues and distortions aside guys - if you checked yes to any of the boxes in the above article - odds are - you are not heading toward a strong loving everlasting relationship
if thats what you are hoping for with this person - you should exit stage right
and as MLP stated - depending on how your life is unraveling… maybe check back in a few months to see if that person has developed any more sincere feelings for you
if that person happens to figure it out while you’re “away on break” - they will hunt you down and find you and bring their A game this time
and you will know it - because everything they do and say will be consistent with that warm slightly dizzying pelvis and bust engaging hug
but as for me and mine
I don’t think (most) guys really care if she’s that in to them or only slightly or barely
I think guys are programmed to play against the odds knowing eventually sooner or later they’ll get a return - albeit disproportoniate to their investment
that’s why they can play 12 straight hours of Texas Hold’em every Thursday night (if they’re not getting meaningless doggy style that is)
and that’s why I don’t feel guilty
it’s either super special
or it’s not
I just wish women really were easy enough to “read” after this wonderfully amusing blog. Still, “mixed signals” will be the thing that eventually leads me to smearing myself with butter and running naked down the street screaming “why why WHY?” I’m close. My own little horror story, very recent: went on a few dates with a wonderfully intelligent, funny, beautiful woman. All the good signs were there, things like long, lingering, full body contact hugs that made me feel like I just took three shots of whisky, offering to pay after every meal (which I can never bring myself to let happen until there’s an actual relationship that has lasted a while… old fashioned father and all), never talked about any exes, which was a welcome relief after my last girlfriend, actually stood by me and didn’t let other guys buy her drinks at the bar, let alone grab her ass… all the good signs. I even quit smoking for the woman, quietly, not making a big fuss, but gave up a 15 year addiction because she said in an offhand way that she didn’t like the smell of smoke. And then, at the beginning of a forty five minute drive back home after a little mini-roadtrip (at the BEGINNING!) she give me the “I have to tell you something.” I told her it might be a good idea to wait, as I could tell I wasn’t going to like it. But then she hit me with “I’ve been dating a married man for the last few months.” Great. Forty five minutes of silence from me, forty five minutes of her saying how much she cared for him, and how bad she feels.
So, I guess the moral of the story is, I will always be an idiot and am destined to die sad and alone in a hut in the woods. Hehehe!
Wow. There are so many follow-up questions just swirling around inside my head.
Yours too, I imagine. This was some intense “personal sharing”.
Open. Raw. Honest. Hey, sounds like she’s got some issues that are worth pointing out and perhaps even laughing about. Someday, though. Not yet. Still too fresh, probably?
great article…
you’ve confirmed some things…and confused some things for me…
well done!
Now I realize I’ve either been sending the wrong signals or subconsciously sabotaging myself…yikes!
I am so into your article Megan - i can`t stop reading it and smiling and laughing and nodding at every point i agree with, even though i`m at work…
some of my favorite parts : the side hug (heehee, sooooo true), and the part about making burned Cds as a sign of affection even when you`re broke… although i`ve never given anyone bus passes, i made many mixed tapes back in the day when my wallet was empty…
Mix tapes. Purest declaration of love, ever.
Especially when you had to wait by the radio with your fingers poised on the “play” and “record” buttons for hours, just to catch the opening chords of what ever song followed that other one juuuuuuuust right.
That’s when you knew your heart no longer belonged to you.
Megan,
Sorry, I enjoyed reading this but I have nada to add. It’s just been too long. Married 40 years. I don’t even know what a “mooncup” is.
but really, now matter if you`re single or married… we all love reading about relationships and/or the opposite sex…
You’re a total genius. I forwarded this to all my male friends. I’m just so into you Megan Leah Power.
Hay, great blog sorry I haven’t left you one of my drunken comments lately. I think this is very straight forward 100% correct info men should enter in the record.
If someone says “lets get a drink sometime” then never comes forth for that drink they most likely think your a nut and in my case they are right!
Well it’s back to my lily white life here in the lily white city of Texas.
Um I can’t seem to find where you upload a photo for this site? Uh if any of you could email me with where it is hidden?
This rocks! I’ve been with my husband for nearly 19 years, but I’m sending this to all my single friends of both genders!
The sex thing is depressing though. I’d have thought that by now women would be totally confident now that they could get wild in bed and still have a man’s respect and be viewed as a viable long-term partner. I really didn’t realize younger women (or women still dating now at any age) were still playing that game–still felt they HAD to play it. It bums me out.
My husband and I met backpacking in Europe, and the speed at which we moved, sexually and otherwise, was pretty much that of light. It honestly never occurred to me that this would sabotage anything, and it didn’t. I believed then and I still believe if a woman has to use sexual withholding as a way of keeping the guy’s interest, then that guy must Just Not Be That Into Her on the levels that really matter, so really why bother; she might as well just have fun and kick him to the curb later. No guy worth having in the 21st century really still lives by those double standards, do they? And when two people are crazy about each other–I mean, honestly, when you’re wild about someone and they are wild about you–I think both genders can tell the difference between that level of intensity vs. the kind of things you have to make excuses to yourself for (i.e. Oh s/he’s really busy, s/he’ll call tomorrow, etc.) Can withholding sex really change that core chemistry between people? God, I don’t really think so.
Or am I crazy-naive as a result of too many years off the market?
Awesome post! You should spin it into a book and get rich.
No, Gina, you are not crazy-naive!
I met my boyfriend when I was 20 and I was thinking of playing the “oh-don’t-sleep-with-him-until-you’ve-had-X-dates” game, but by the second date I gave up. I felt like I should be able to do what I wanted and if it made him feel less of me, then he wasn’t worth it.
Needless to say, we’ve been together for almost four years now and never once have I regretted that choice. Turns out, he was thrilled that I didn’t play that game because he had gotten so tired of it from other girls.
And really… If you need to withhold sex to keep someone’s interest, maybe your just not that interesting??
Found you on The Printed Blog. THIS. IS. BRILLIANT. Sending to all my single male friends now.
Megan, You have truly defined the confusing chemistry signals with a humorous and strategic standpoint. You have clarified the “Just Friends”, “Flake Friends” “Friends w
Benefits” personalities. I have met everyone of the types aforementioned. Lately it
seems my dates have Multi Personalities! Caution! Mr. Monitor Hot Coffee about to
be spewed! LOL
I thought this was absolute genius. The only part I at all disagreed with was the hug thing. I don’t think that’s very indicative of anything only because the half hug is something I did last night with someone I am VERY into. Mostly because I’m not sure if HE’S totally into me and I got all shy and awkward.
half hugs…that is the complete sign. especially when they’re given so obviously awkward. if you can’t hug fully, then there’s no chemistry.
100% accurate, such a good post.
if i’m talking about my period, it means i trust the person i’m talking to. they’ve got a higher chance of being my boyfriend than anyone i don’t mention that stuff to. always. no exceptions. i don’t talk about that stuff to male just-friends. only someone i intend to be in a relationship long enough to coordinate sex with when i’m not bleeding is gonna have access to that information.
and the sex thing? yeah, no. i won’t have sex with someone right away, sure, but i won’t wait a hell of a long time either. i need to know if the dude’s gonna keep up with me, and i’d rather find out sooner rather than later. i don’t have sex with someone who means little or nothing to me. it’s the what, not the when, that matters.
if a girl’s having sex with you, and sticking around to cuddle afterwards? she’s into you. if she sticks around just long enough to clean up? you’re a sex toy. first date, thirtieth date, doesn’t matter.
Wow. I’m glad that the guys I date don’t read your blog. Seriously, your list doesn’t fit me at all and several of them are absolutely backwards from the way that I interact with the men in my life. I don’t tell the personal details of my menstrual cycles or sleep with guys I’m not into! Moreover, I don’t let guys pay for me unless the relationship has progressed to the point that we both understand that I’ll get the next one (because I’m not a whore and don’t want to be bought), which means I’m comfortable. I’m sorry, but I think your advice would be quite misleading for interpreting a large percent of women.
i concur with earlier comments about paying.
when i go out with someone, i pretty much always split the bill. if i pay for everything it means either the other person is a close friend/boyfriend or i never want to see them again. very very VERY occasionally i will let an acquaintance pick up the tab, but mostly only when i’ve already made it clear that nothing romantic is going on. if i can’t afford to pay, we don’t go out. so the “i’m broke so i let other people pay” never happens with me (unless it’s been prearranged, which usually denotes close friendship).
to recap: for the “dating beth and not sure if she likes me” audience, if i paid it means i am NOT NOT NOT into you.
This is fantastico. Love this list. Men need always to be aware of this bullshit.
Yes, and the right hug IS quite blissful. Segue . . .