Comments on: Motherhood and Celebrity Penises http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/ It's going to be okay. Wed, 16 May 2012 23:45:21 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6 By: The Nervous Breakdown http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-60384 The Nervous Breakdown Mon, 09 Nov 2009 19:16:23 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-60384 [...] http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/ Reply here Comment by Kimberly M. Wetherell |Edit This 2009-06-01 10:28:53 I would just like to add, that while, I too have only seen one porn film (very disappointing, btw) I have held many “Naked Ewan MacGregor Nights”, wherein we all watch the holy trilogy of his full-frontal fabulousness: [...] [...] http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/ Reply here Comment by Kimberly M. Wetherell |Edit This 2009-06-01 10:28:53 I would just like to add, that while, I too have only seen one porn film (very disappointing, btw) I have held many “Naked Ewan MacGregor Nights”, wherein we all watch the holy trilogy of his full-frontal fabulousness: [...]

]]> By: The Nervous Breakdown http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-37625 The Nervous Breakdown Mon, 15 Jun 2009 18:03:08 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-37625 [...] we shake hands, I ask her to identify the Hollywood actor with the coke habit and the tiny pecker she wrote about in one of her blogs. She doesn’t even blink. “Tom Hanks,” she [...] [...] we shake hands, I ask her to identify the Hollywood actor with the coke habit and the tiny pecker she wrote about in one of her blogs. She doesn’t even blink. “Tom Hanks,” she [...]

]]> By: Jessica Anya Blau http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21276 Jessica Anya Blau Tue, 07 Oct 2008 15:18:46 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21276 THanks Erika--you're very kind! Yes, we all know just by looking at Johnny that he's exactly what we want in every way. Have you ever noticed that he seems to only date girls with giant tweedy-bird foreheads: supermodel Kate Moss, Juliette Lewis, and now Vanessa Paradis. I'm surprised he never dated Soon-Yi as she has one of those foreheads, too. Although, I suppose she was always way too young for him, then once she was of legal age, Woody swiped her. THanks Erika–you’re very kind!

Yes, we all know just by looking at Johnny that he’s exactly what we want in every way.

Have you ever noticed that he seems to only date girls with giant tweedy-bird foreheads: supermodel Kate Moss, Juliette Lewis, and now Vanessa Paradis. I’m surprised he never dated Soon-Yi as she has one of those foreheads, too. Although, I suppose she was always way too young for him, then once she was of legal age, Woody swiped her.

]]> By: Erika Rae http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21236 Erika Rae Tue, 07 Oct 2008 00:48:44 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21236 Jessica, 2 things: 1. I really dig your writing style. As in, I want to study it. You have a gift. 2. THUMBTACK??? Criminy. Awkward moment. I would love to join in the celebrity speculation, but all the good ones have already been taken. Am so glad it wasn't Johnny. Not my Johnny. Keep the posts rolling! Jessica, 2 things:

1. I really dig your writing style. As in, I want to study it. You have a gift.
2. THUMBTACK??? Criminy. Awkward moment. I would love to join in the celebrity speculation, but all the good ones have already been taken. Am so glad it wasn’t Johnny. Not my Johnny.

Keep the posts rolling!

]]> By: Gina Frangello http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21235 Gina Frangello Tue, 07 Oct 2008 00:45:32 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21235 Yeah, I'm guessing there is not a Barnes & Noble out behind the sheep pen (if, um, sheep live in a pen. I'm from the city . . .) I'm thinking I should give my mother-in-law a copy of YOUR novel next Mother's Day . . . Yeah, I’m guessing there is not a Barnes & Noble out behind the sheep pen (if, um, sheep live in a pen. I’m from the city . . .)
I’m thinking I should give my mother-in-law a copy of YOUR novel next Mother’s Day . . .

]]> By: Erika Rae http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21232 Erika Rae Tue, 07 Oct 2008 00:19:45 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21232 Good God, Gina. I must go buy this at once. You are a mystery! Good God, Gina. I must go buy this at once. You are a mystery!

]]> By: Jessica Anya Blau http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21131 Jessica Anya Blau Sun, 05 Oct 2008 22:17:26 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21131 It seems fine for you (Gina) not to tell them about it! They're probably relieved. And when you go on book tour, your husband can tell them you're at a church retreat, hanging out with James Dobson's gang in Colorado. Might as well make them happy! Actually, I just sent my mother the book I'm working on now and every time I talk to her on the phone she mutters something about what her mother (my grandmother) will think. My response: Let's not tell her about it! She's in New Hampshire--it's pretty easy to hide a book from a ninety-year woman in New Hampshire. (Although she is rather frisky--walking the dog every day and tending to her sheep.) It seems fine for you (Gina) not to tell them about it! They’re probably relieved. And when you go on book tour, your husband can tell them you’re at a church retreat, hanging out with James Dobson’s gang in Colorado. Might as well make them happy!
Actually, I just sent my mother the book I’m working on now and every time I talk to her on the phone she mutters something about what her mother (my grandmother) will think.
My response: Let’s not tell her about it! She’s in New Hampshire–it’s pretty easy to hide a book from a ninety-year woman in New Hampshire. (Although she is rather frisky–walking the dog every day and tending to her sheep.)

]]> By: Autumn http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21129 Autumn Sun, 05 Oct 2008 18:25:22 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21129 Two copies! Two copies!

]]> By: N.L. Belardes http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21120 N.L. Belardes Sun, 05 Oct 2008 16:18:31 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21120 <b>Gina:</b> I mean your book next year, unless you want your current book still talked about. Gina: I mean your book next year, unless you want your current book still talked about.

]]> By: N.L. Belardes http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21119 N.L. Belardes Sun, 05 Oct 2008 16:17:46 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21119 <b>Gina: </b>Don't forget to send me a review copy so I can blab about it all over the net and in my little media circle. Gina: Don’t forget to send me a review copy so I can blab about it all over the net and in my little media circle.

]]> By: Gina Frangello http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21118 Gina Frangello Sun, 05 Oct 2008 15:44:18 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21118 thanks for the pitch, jessica! yes, my mother-in-law never brings it up anymore, ever. she does not even ask about my "writing" now, even in the most general of terms. i have a novel coming out in may, and my husband and i have literally not even told them about it. when my sister-in-law once mentioned it in front of my mother-in-law, i noticed my mother-in-law immediately turned to the person sitting next to her and started talking about something else. i think (and hope) that we all tacitly agree to forever-out pretend that i am not even a writer. yikes. i should mention that my father-in-law is a presbyterian minister, to boot! thankfully he did not read it. his wife was having such a hissy fit that he just decided to avoid the ruckus and never get near the book so that he could be a neutral party! thanks for the pitch, jessica!
yes, my mother-in-law never brings it up anymore, ever. she does not even ask about my “writing” now, even in the most general of terms. i have a novel coming out in may, and my husband and i have literally not even told them about it. when my sister-in-law once mentioned it in front of my mother-in-law, i noticed my mother-in-law immediately turned to the person sitting next to her and started talking about something else. i think (and hope) that we all tacitly agree to forever-out pretend that i am not even a writer. yikes.
i should mention that my father-in-law is a presbyterian minister, to boot! thankfully he did not read it. his wife was having such a hissy fit that he just decided to avoid the ruckus and never get near the book so that he could be a neutral party!

]]> By: Irene Zion (Lenore's Mom) http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21116 Irene Zion (Lenore's Mom) Sun, 05 Oct 2008 15:27:23 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21116 oh yeah. I'll be ordering THAT book when I get home to my computer. Sounds amazing! Irene oh yeah. I’ll be ordering THAT book when I get home to my computer.
Sounds amazing!
Irene

]]> By: Jessica Anya Blau http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21113 Jessica Anya Blau Sun, 05 Oct 2008 12:52:30 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21113 For those of you interested, Gina's novel, MY SISTER'S CONTINENT (which caused her mother-in-law to stop speaking to her) is available on Amazon. Here's the great review from PW: "Soon to be married, Kirby dreads the return to Chicago of her twin, Kendra, a ballerina. So severe is Kirby's stress-induced intestinal malady, her father sends her to his shrink. Kendra is even more of a wreck: a back injury has ended her dancing life, leaving this anorexic, pill-popping sexual outlaw perilously at loose ends. But their father trumps all: he has AIDS. Under all this duress, Kirby begins to question her engagement and her sexuality, and Kendra, a devotee of pain, takes up with a colleague of her father's who is proficient in sadomasochism. The adventurous editor of the literary magazine Other Voices, Frangello has parlayed Freud's vision of female sexuality as a "dark continent" into a boldly explicit debut novel in which high-strung characters struggle to decode the mysteries of the self while their bodies express what their minds repress. Frangello is uncanny and mesmerizing in this smart, suspenseful psychosexual drama as she choreographs traumatic, possibly criminal, family dynamics, and delves fearlessly into questions of identity, abuse, power, trust, trespass, and delusion." Sounds great to me! For those of you interested, Gina’s novel, MY SISTER’S CONTINENT (which caused her mother-in-law to stop speaking to her) is available on Amazon. Here’s the great review from PW:

“Soon to be married, Kirby dreads the return to Chicago of her twin, Kendra, a ballerina. So severe is Kirby’s stress-induced intestinal malady, her father sends her to his shrink. Kendra is even more of a wreck: a back injury has ended her dancing life, leaving this anorexic, pill-popping sexual outlaw perilously at loose ends. But their father trumps all: he has AIDS. Under all this duress, Kirby begins to question her engagement and her sexuality, and Kendra, a devotee of pain, takes up with a colleague of her father’s who is proficient in sadomasochism. The adventurous editor of the literary magazine Other Voices, Frangello has parlayed Freud’s vision of female sexuality as a “dark continent” into a boldly explicit debut novel in which high-strung characters struggle to decode the mysteries of the self while their bodies express what their minds repress. Frangello is uncanny and mesmerizing in this smart, suspenseful psychosexual drama as she choreographs traumatic, possibly criminal, family dynamics, and delves fearlessly into questions of identity, abuse, power, trust, trespass, and delusion.”

Sounds great to me!

]]> By: Jessica Anya Blau http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21111 Jessica Anya Blau Sun, 05 Oct 2008 12:36:11 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21111 I'll buy it, too! Glad your mother-in-law is talking to you again. I suppose she never brings it up, right? My ex-mother-in-law (mother of ex-husband) mentions my book in the context of having seen it on a table at Barnes and Noble, or seen it at an airport, etc. but does not talk about the ACTUAL book. I don't know if she's read it or not--but clearly the safe ground of discussion is where it's being sold. Before my grandmother read my book, my aunt warned her that it was "risque." It has been reported to me that my grandmother read it but she has never mentioned it to me, so I suppose it's the verboten subject. Fine by me. Let's hope all our children forgive us! I’ll buy it, too! Glad your mother-in-law is talking to you again. I suppose she never brings it up, right? My ex-mother-in-law (mother of ex-husband) mentions my book in the context of having seen it on a table at Barnes and Noble, or seen it at an airport, etc. but does not talk about the ACTUAL book. I don’t know if she’s read it or not–but clearly the safe ground of discussion is where it’s being sold. Before my grandmother read my book, my aunt warned her that it was “risque.” It has been reported to me that my grandmother read it but she has never mentioned it to me, so I suppose it’s the verboten subject. Fine by me.
Let’s hope all our children forgive us!

]]> By: Kimberly M. Wetherell http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21101 Kimberly M. Wetherell Sun, 05 Oct 2008 04:06:53 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21101 “so disturbing i had to keep putting it down and leaving the room,” Now THAT's the kind of blurb I like to see! Consider one more copy SOLD! “so disturbing i had to keep putting it down and leaving the room,”

Now THAT’s the kind of blurb I like to see! Consider one more copy SOLD!

]]> By: Gina Frangello http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21094 Gina Frangello Sun, 05 Oct 2008 00:14:36 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21094 hey jessica-- my first novel is called My Sister's Continent. when my mother-in-law read it, she did not speak to me for 5 months, and even refused to set foot in our house to visit her newborn grandson, because she was convinced i was a degenerate pervert. albeit she has some serious issues, ha. but an editor at houghton-mifflin once told my agent that the novel was "so disturbing i had to keep putting it down and leaving the room," and another editor told him, "i couldn't explain this novel to a marketing rep without blushing or breaking down," so i guess my mother-in-law was not alone in finding it a little, shall we say, risque. if my daughters ever read it, i will have to jump out a window with embarrassment. so yeah, please go ahead and buy it while i am still alive and can appreciate sales--as i mentioned in my other comment, i probably have about 5 years before they're 13 and start sniffing around . . . hey jessica–
my first novel is called My Sister’s Continent. when my mother-in-law read it, she did not speak to me for 5 months, and even refused to set foot in our house to visit her newborn grandson, because she was convinced i was a degenerate pervert. albeit she has some serious issues, ha. but an editor at houghton-mifflin once told my agent that the novel was “so disturbing i had to keep putting it down and leaving the room,” and another editor told him, “i couldn’t explain this novel to a marketing rep without blushing or breaking down,” so i guess my mother-in-law was not alone in finding it a little, shall we say, risque.
if my daughters ever read it, i will have to jump out a window with embarrassment. so yeah, please go ahead and buy it while i am still alive and can appreciate sales–as i mentioned in my other comment, i probably have about 5 years before they’re 13 and start sniffing around . . .

]]> By: N.L. Belardes http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21085 N.L. Belardes Sat, 04 Oct 2008 21:34:48 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21085 haha... ah you know Johnny is swinging the big stick anyway. I was just trying to piss off my gf who I know reads your posts.... I hear there's going to be a new Captain Jack flick. Looking forward to his role in the Dillinger film too. haha… ah you know Johnny is swinging the big stick anyway. I was just trying to piss off my gf who I know reads your posts….

I hear there’s going to be a new Captain Jack flick. Looking forward to his role in the Dillinger film too.

]]> By: Jessica Anya Blau http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21077 Jessica Anya Blau Sat, 04 Oct 2008 19:51:34 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21077 Oh, N.L., oh oh oh oh! If it were Johnny Depp, whom I adore, I wouldn't have written the post! Glad you're sticking with the cool guy picture, by the way, and abandoning the cricket! Oh, N.L., oh oh oh oh! If it were Johnny Depp, whom I adore, I wouldn’t have written the post!
Glad you’re sticking with the cool guy picture, by the way, and abandoning the cricket!

]]> By: Jessica Anya Blau http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21076 Jessica Anya Blau Sat, 04 Oct 2008 19:49:18 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21076 And then there's Harvey Keitel in The Piano and Richard Gere . . . don't we see his penis somewhere? American Gigilo? How do you spell Gigilo? Oh, there's that wonderful bouncing penis on the sumo-wrestling-type guy in Sideways. Love that moment. Definitely not him. This celebrity penis would have no bounce. And then there’s Harvey Keitel in The Piano and Richard Gere . . . don’t we see his penis somewhere? American Gigilo? How do you spell Gigilo?
Oh, there’s that wonderful bouncing penis on the sumo-wrestling-type guy in Sideways. Love that moment. Definitely not him. This celebrity penis would have no bounce.

]]> By: Kimberly M. Wetherell http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21075 Kimberly M. Wetherell Sat, 04 Oct 2008 19:25:39 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21075 Well, if anyone's seen "Eastern Promises" or "The Pillow Book" - you can safely rule out Viggo Mortensen and Ewan MacGregor. Well, if anyone’s seen “Eastern Promises” or “The Pillow Book” - you can safely rule out Viggo Mortensen and Ewan MacGregor.

]]> By: N.L. Belardes http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21071 N.L. Belardes Sat, 04 Oct 2008 18:25:58 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21071 Johnny Depp! Johnny Depp!

]]> By: Jessica Anya Blau http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21069 Jessica Anya Blau Sat, 04 Oct 2008 16:58:18 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21069 Aaaah, VERY good guess! And when I think of Sherman Hemsley, walking around that east side apartment like a rooster on cocaine, yelling for Weezie, it does seem right that he would have a thumbtack penis, no? Anyone else want to try and guess? Aaaah, VERY good guess! And when I think of Sherman Hemsley, walking around that east side apartment like a rooster on cocaine, yelling for Weezie, it does seem right that he would have a thumbtack penis, no?

Anyone else want to try and guess?

]]> By: Jessica Anya Blau http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21068 Jessica Anya Blau Sat, 04 Oct 2008 16:55:10 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21068 Yes, your FABULOUS FILM! And thanks for pointing out the benefits of man-scaping! Yes, your FABULOUS FILM! And thanks for pointing out the benefits of man-scaping!

]]> By: Kimberly M. Wetherell http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21067 Kimberly M. Wetherell Sat, 04 Oct 2008 16:46:34 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21067 And this is where <a href="http://www.whywewax.com" rel="nofollow">my little waxing film</a> comes into play! :) One of the most common responses to men who trimmed, shaved or waxed their pubes was for ESP or, Enhanced Size Perception. And this is where my little waxing film comes into play! :)

One of the most common responses to men who trimmed, shaved or waxed their pubes was for ESP or, Enhanced Size Perception.

]]> By: jmb http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21066 jmb Sat, 04 Oct 2008 15:43:56 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21066 And that celebrity was Sherman Hensley. And that celebrity was Sherman Hensley.

]]> By: Jessica Anya Blau http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21062 Jessica Anya Blau Sat, 04 Oct 2008 14:25:37 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21062 He must have been a "grower" right? How else could he have had actual relations with the starlets he was speaking of the night before?! Also, perhaps he had an unusually dense patch of pubes--so maybe a stem was in there, but couldn't be seen--like a dandelion dwarfed by knee-high grass. He must have been a “grower” right? How else could he have had actual relations with the starlets he was speaking of the night before?! Also, perhaps he had an unusually dense patch of pubes–so maybe a stem was in there, but couldn’t be seen–like a dandelion dwarfed by knee-high grass.

]]> By: Kimberly M. Wetherell http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21061 Kimberly M. Wetherell Sat, 04 Oct 2008 14:16:36 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21061 Maybe he was just a "Grower" and not a "Shower". (Just trying to help restore the image of your Matinee Idol...) Maybe he was just a “Grower” and not a “Shower”.

(Just trying to help restore the image of your Matinee Idol…)

]]> By: jessica Anya Blau http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21047 jessica Anya Blau Sat, 04 Oct 2008 02:29:02 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21047 Thanks Irene. I love your relationship with Lenore--I hope my girls will be like her when they grow up! Thanks Irene. I love your relationship with Lenore–I hope my girls will be like her when they grow up!

]]> By: Irene Zion (Lenore's Mom) http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21045 Irene Zion (Lenore's Mom) Sat, 04 Oct 2008 02:16:58 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21045 Jessica, your kids will always be super-proud of you because you are a published author and a super-cool mom. No worries. No worries at all. Jessica, your kids will always be super-proud of you because you are a published author and a super-cool mom. No worries. No worries at all.

]]> By: Jessica Anya Blau http://archives.thenervousbreakdown.com/jablau/2008/10/motherhood-and-celebrity-penises/#comment-21035 Jessica Anya Blau Sat, 04 Oct 2008 01:26:48 +0000 http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/?p=6484#comment-21035 OKay, you MUST say the name of this first novel so that we can all go out and buy it! PLease! Are these forbidden blogs on this site, where can I find them?! Cheers to writing a bestseller and being "so fucked,"--I say go for it! OKay, you MUST say the name of this first novel so that we can all go out and buy it! PLease!
Are these forbidden blogs on this site, where can I find them?!
Cheers to writing a bestseller and being “so fucked,”–I say go for it!

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