You’re lucky… You can actually talk to your students. Most of my kids don’t speak English, and many of them don’t speak their native language. Trying to communicate with them involves a team of teachers fueled with enough coffee to raise the dead…

Nice dialogue, though. Funny and believable… Especially when Robert was crying. Man, kids love to cry.

Colleen,
This is SO perfect! You write EXACTLY what teaching is like.
So, so funny!

This is like old times for me.
Believe it or not, middle school is not a whole lot different.
Come to think of it, High School was an older version of it.
It can be pretty frustrating if you don’t have a really good sense of humor.

I’m glad you do!

LMAO! Ed is too. Now just imagine your scenario with a group of mentally ill adults; similar content except with bigger people who might physically attack you. THAT was my life as a music therapist. My favorite moment was my group of dual diagnosis patients (mostly schizophrenics with drug and alcohol problems). One day they wanted to write a song about temptation.

Me: How do you handle temptation?

Patient #1: I talk to one of the aids or my therapist.

Me: Great! Anyone else? How do you deal with temptation?

Patient #2: Diane Ross made The Temptations.

Me: Sigh.

Patient #3: I like your breasts.

True story.

And that, Colleen, is why I have always thought anyone under the age of 15 was more closely related to a gerbel than to the human race……you have the patience of a saint, and the ability to always make me laugh!!! Thank you, kiddo…………

Uncle Peter! Thank you for reading! I didn’t know you did. Makes me smile. And YOU make me laugh. Sometimes I wonder how you and my father made it through college at all. Can’t imagine you two getting much work done when you were together, what with all the pranks and jokes but it must have been fun. Anyway, don’t forget, you were once a gerbil too.

My hand is raised over here, but I’m still waiting for you to call on me.

Oh my god Colleen, I’m exhausted just reading!!!
This makes me feel bad for all those times I was rotten to my teacher(s) and thought it was funny. You have now given me an appreciation of how difficult teaching must be!
I hope those kids ease up and realise how lucky they are to have you!

You’re sweet, Zara. Thanks, but they’re just acting their age. This is what it is. It’s funny, actually, and believe it or not, I do enjoy it and them most of the time. Okay, not the yelling. And not the crying. But everything else!

Whereas I can now hold my head up high. I was actually a pretty good student. My brother, on the other hand… he discovered that a standard reed makes a pretty aerodynamic piece of classroom artillery…

I went to school with kids who for SURE were ADHD kids, although nobody back then knew what that was. They were just “active”. A guy used to sit in the back of the class and pretend to blow things up on his desk so the teacher’s lessons were always punctuated with POW and BBCHHHHH, things like that. Wonderful.

I’ve gotten SUCH a good laugh out of reading your post and all the comments. “I like your breasts.” Hahahahahah!!!!! Seriously -as someone who is in the process of getting my Masters in teaching right now, this makes me alternately so excited, and simultaneously scared shitless to go into the field once I’m done. But it makes for the BEST story telling! Thank you so much for sharing!!!!

i’m afraid of those children.
but from what i understand, the ones you write about are pretty good, in that there were no fires set.

OK. So, I’m teaching kindergartners French right now, which is also a lot like the herding of the felines. I had a good hearty laugh at your description. Spot on, sistah! What works for me is if we do a huge “get the wiggles out” exercise at the beginning. We march around in a huge circle yelling in French: Jump! March! Stop! Turn around! Play Basketball! Then jump into a crazy motion song like Head & Shoulders. They’re so confused by the time we sit around the carpet they don’t have a second to think! Haha! It’s my patented “teaching by confusion” method. Good luck with them - they sound adorable.

One of my (Catholic) friends spent this year teaching 2 1/2 year olds at a Jewish-affiliated preschool. Around Passover, they were reviewing the four questions.

“Why do we eat matzoh on Passover?”

The two-year-old answer? “Because Backyardigans are cowboys!”

Hahaha! I love it.

Very belatedly commenting to say how funny I found this piece. You show talent as a playwright, methinks. I can just hear those kids, and you as well, you poor thing.

I was something of a Tim, I’m afraid. But I’m sure you could easily guess as much.

You? A Tim? I never would have guessed, (she said lying through her teeth.)

Thanks Duke! I appreciate the compliment very much.

Too funny!!! Literally. I am in a work meeting right now trying to keep a straight face. It is not easy!!!!

I no longer feel bad about teaching my logic classes in the past.

Anybody have any questions on the homework exercises?

. . .

Everything was fine, then?

. . .

Okay, then lets talk about modus ponens!!! If you have a question, just blink.