Comment Culture
May 20th, 2009by Brad Listi
LOS ANGELES-
Just read some pretty interesting stuff on “comment culture,” which has become an area of interest over the past few years. A new mutation in the human fabric.
Naturally I’m fascinated by the comment boards on this site. I’m also fascinated by comment boards in general, and the people who populate them, and I wonder how they work, and why.
With respect to The Nervous Breakdown and its boards, I often find myself asking: What is it? And how did it happen? And what is its value? And who is it that’s drawn here? And why? And what might this weird beast become?
And things like that.
And now my eyes turn to a recent piece from Virginia Heffernan at the New York Times. It’s called “Comment is King”, and it offers a pretty interesting assessment of the often-grim banality of comment boards, particularly those attached to mainstream news outfits like the Times and the Washington Post, and Slate.com.
A couple of excerpts:
But as it is, online commentary is a bête noire for journalists and readers alike. Most journalists hate to read it, because it’s stinging and distracting, and readers rarely plow through long comments sections unless they intend to post something themselves. But perhaps the comments have become so reader-unfriendly, in part, because of the conventions of the Web-comment form.
Online commentary, for one thing, is a circadian art, one in which style and tone seem largely determined by the time of day a comment is posted.
And excerpt #2:
This echo-chamber effect is unpleasant, and it makes it hard to keep listening for the clearer, brighter, rarer voices nearly drowned out in the online din. Which is too bad: newspaper journalism benefits from reader comments. Creating registration standards, inventive means of moderating and displaying comments, membership benefits for regular posters and ratings systems for useful comments are just some of the ways that other news outlets like Slate have improved the quality of reader responses.
And now Ron Ronsenbaum has penned a response piece to the NY Times article entitled “Come Out, Anonymous Cowards! This is Your Chance, in which he cites anonymity as the root cause of all comment board evil:
Your chance to explain what’s so scary to you that you have to hide your identities behind a mask while hurling oh-so-brave insults. (Possible enshrinement of your cerebrally challenged remarks in Google for all time?)
The New York Times super-smart web culture columnist Virginia Heffernan’s recent ruminations about the low standards, (e.g. the low I.Q.) of typical web commenters and their frequent self-congratulatory ignorance and stupidity, while capturing some truths about them, left out one aspect of the problem — the source, the cause of the domination by dimwits: anonymity.
I just can’t believe that the average human being is as creepily vicious as the average commenter. And the reason can be found in something a close reading of Virginia’s column discloses: all her examples of idiot commenters were anonymous and used screen names.
I gotta say, I read these two pieces with a bit of pride. For one thing, I think the average IQ on the boards here is generally pretty high. (As I like to joke, the comment board is really the show. In many instances, it’s as interesting as the posts themselves.) And while there are, of course, exceptions to the rule, the tone here is generally pretty civil—even in moments of heated disagreement.
Still, I do notice while surfing around elsewhere that there does seem to be a certain type of human being who revels in the anonymity offered by a comment board…loves to throw punches and lash out….and then retreats and hides. Cowardly behavior indeed. And more than a little pathetic. I can’t help but think that people who do this sort of thing must lead pretty boring lives. That or they’re easily entertained.
Anyway. Food for thought. These articles caught my attention (thank you, Galley Cat!) and seemed like an apropos thing to mention here on The Breakdown.
Naturally I’d be interested to hear your thoughts, dear readers. And for the sake of witty irony, it might be nice if you tried especially hard to lash out at me today, and to be extremely rude and foul-mouthed to your fellow compatriots.
Let’s make it ugly and vindictive, shall we?
Let’s use curse words and be all…sociopathic!
-BL
Tags: Brad Listi, comment boards, comment culture, Galley Cat, new york times, online commenting, Ron Rosenbaum, The Nervous Breakdown, TheNervousBreakdown.com
Well, captain shitpants, sociopaths are generally charming and witty, not hostile and vindictive.
If they were pricks all the time, they’d just be regular assholes, not pathological.
fucksuckassshitcock.
How do we know your name is really Becky?
Or should I call you Tiger Girl?
You don’t know if my name is really Becky. And you can’t. And it isn’t, sometimes, depending on who you ask and when. Even if we were standing face, you still couldn’t know, really. But you’d be less likely to sass me.
Because I am scaaary. ROAAAR.
face TO face, even
Rrrrrrrrebecca.
When I read, “the root cause of all comment board evil” Becky is the first cat that came to my mind.
She is a sort of legendary instigator.
Reminds me of feeding bread to sunfish when I was a kid.
Reminds me having a yellow jacket caught in my pants leg when I was a kid.
Always a victim.
I wound up crushing the yellow jacket.
I filleted the fish.
A sunfish? Big catch. Did you fillet it with a Swiss Army knife?
All of them. Just for the joy of it.
This is fucking ridiculous. Digging into the sewer to pull out a gem of a turd to write about. Fucking lame Listi. I may hide behind my sweet daughter’s face but I’ll be damned if I listen to this kind of tripe with any regularity. You’re going down man. Get your head out of your ass and write about real turds. Dog turds, Human turds on the counter, in the bathtub.
Puleeze!
You stink.
A “gem of a turd?”
You’re a poet.
If you want to read shit. Read this shit:
SHIT.
And yes I am a whore and a poet.
A gem of a poet-whore.
My vagina is stapled shut.
And somehow this is news?
Having some trouble working your own shitty comment board, eh?
Don’t you have a litter box to hang out in?
Yeah, I read that about you tammy allen (if that is your real name) on the bathroom wall just last night!
Bengal Tigers shit where they want.
This is a pretty shitty comment board. The way the comments nest sucks.
Please send all complaints to [email protected].
G. You have no idea how funny that comment was. I used to be in a pre-blog bathroom wall camment war. I even wrote a song about it. The chorus was:
“Leave your mark on the bathroom wall, but leave me alone.”
My mantra for the bathroom wall was either
“Kill me I’ll live”
or
“be good - be bad - be God - be art”
comment.
Seriously, those girls would write the meanest shit about me. Jealous.
I am no body who are you
More of a nobody than you.
then there are two of us.
me slightly kewler than you.
i hate u
u wuldn’t no cewl if it shit on u
You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
Yes I do. They’re called Gem Turds.
ha.
I am myself fascinated by message boards. However, except here at TNB, I’ve tried more and more not to participate in online discussions, after a number of ridiculous outcomes.
Having said that, I was very proud of myself for pulling off a coup de grace in a YouTube flame war. The clip that sparked the fight has since been pulled, along with my comment, otherwise I’d eagerly post it. But some guy attacked me for praising Joan Didion and dissing Charlie Rose, who was interviewing Didion (and clearly trying to make her cry) in the clip, and I nailed his ass when he finally responded to my response to his attack. I remember it started with: “And it only took you three weeks to craft your haughty response! Alas, the hard work did not pay off, nor the money you appear to have paid to Acme Comeuppance.” The rest I’ve forgotten, but the white flag was raised immediately. It was really gratifying — embarrassingly so.
My wife and I were having lunch at Galatoire’s on Bourbon Street a couple of years ago (great old timey New Orleans place where the men wear ties & the women wear hats, and everybody gets shit-faced over lunch), and we were sitting at the bar waiting for a table, and these two women next to us were drinking mint juleps and started talking to us, and it turned out that one of them used to live in LA and also in New York, and for a time she worked on Charlie Rose. She said he was a total ass, and a complete drunk. She also used to work for a producer (whose name escapes me, but I remember he was high-profile), and this guy used to invite people into the restroom with him. He would sit on the toilet and conduct business meetings while they stood there.
Anyway. Sort of tangential.
And gossipy, I might add.
No idea if the Charlie Rose stuff is true. The woman was pretty drunk, but she sounded convincing. And Charlie does look pretty hungover much of the time, so who knows? I’ve always sort of liked his show. And if he can conduct those interviews with a brutal hangover…all the more impressive.
I forgot to hit “reply here” before responding to your earlier comment. Ah, well. By posting this, I’m at least advancing you toward your 200 mark.
This comment board is a turd pile.
With you as its most frequent respondent, how could it not be?
Give it up, princess. The nesting sucks and you know it.
(See above response to Gloria’s whining.)
I’ll send it to your mom.
That’s actually her email address. She handles all of my correspondence.
Tell her to stop asking me for naked pictures, then.
She uses them to help induce vomiting. And to help priests remain celibate.
I thought that was why she had you.
She had me so I could bug the shit out of you. It’s my purpose in life.
Dream big, Listi. Dream big.
I try.
You DO try. I’ll give you that.
I think he learned the conducting business on the shitter move from LBJ.
It’s a subtle form of domination. And it’s fucking old school. I bet Dick Cheney did it, too.
Cutting in front of someone in the free bagel line on ‘Bagel Tuesday’ is a subtle form of domination. Requesting someone to join you in the john while you take a dump strikes me as a bit less than subtle. When that happens to you, and you go along with it, you know you’re being dominated. Severely. And overtly.
Too true - and fucking GROSS!
Though I have to admit that when I read this:
“Your chance to explain what’s so scary to you that you have to hide your identities behind a mask while hurling oh-so-brave insults. (Possible enshrinement of your cerebrally challenged remarks in Google for all time?)”
My first thought was that it sounded an awful lot LIKE one of “those” comments. Rhetorical question that cannot possibly be answered without indicting oneself, check. Hyperbolic, sarcastic insinuation of intent coupled with insult to intelligence, check.
Even “oh-so-brave” which is in the same rhetorical genus as, say, “you’re soooooooooooo kewl.”
I really hope all of that is intentional, otherwise I might die of pouty baby irony overload.
No kidding Becky. I had the same thought.
LBJ used to conduct presidential business on the john, forcing aides to stand by. Maybe this guy was taking his cue from LBJ. And I heard a story about Charlie Rose from a reputable source that I won’t repeat, but it would more than live up your call for curse words and sociopathology. It involved a female employee on the CR show who woke, after working all night with CR, to find him…
I’ll stop there. If CR’s the litigious sort…
That’s so not fair. Can we guess?
Do the letters “JO” mean anything to you? And what if those letters were included in the same sentence as “above the employee’s head”?
Classy.
I was thinking the letters “GS” were going to be involved.
“JO?” Tame. Befitting a man of his sophistication.
Well, there were also some mutterings on CR’s part, along the lines of “Hold still.” But I don’t think she did.
Hold still. That’s classic. As if he were about to draw her portrait or something.
LOL*!! You’re killing me this morning.
* and totally busted by an employee.
Also: Maybe the producer was Jack Valenti? (Was he a producer? I know he was, like, president of the MPAA. And an aide to Johnson. Maybe it was a form of hero worship. An homage, if you will…”)
I never could figure out Jack Valenti’s association with the movie business, aside from his heading the MPAA and strolling out to give a long, boring speech at the start of every Academy Awards show when I was a kid.
Brad Listi:
I HATE U!!!!
>:( …
Oh shit. Wait! I forgot the nose:
>:-( …
(Without the nose, rather than “I HATE U,” it just means “I think you’re mildly annoying, but I wish you all the best in life.”)
Tawni, somehow I just don’t buy your hate, I gotta say. I think it might be that sunshiney mug of yours, smiling at me like you just took an incredibly satisfying dump all the time. Great. We get it. You’re not constipated.
Next.
Damned fiber. I blame the vegetables.
Vegetable-eating, emoticon-using, non-expletive-spewing, unconstipated sunshine giver.
She’s a Care Bear and she’d still kick your ass.
She is indeed a Care Bear. I quake in my boots as I await her “rainbow dust” assault.
“rainbow dust”? OK, fess up - which Carebear did you have mister?
Becky’s a Smurf
Becky’s Gargamel.
I hate cats.
Which explains your unseemly self-loathing.
Everyone needs a power source. You should find one.
*gargles*
SUCK MY MOTHER’S PUSS BUCKET YOU DOUCHE BAG HUMPING NARD GOBBLER FUCK !
I’m stealing puss bucket. Thank you.
That’s what SHE said.
Brad Listi,
You are so low that a snail cannot pass under you.
You are the rotten meat caught between the teeth of a psychotic, elderly homeless man.
You emit a smell that whithers flowers.
You regularly make grandmothers cry.
A POX on you, Brad Listi!
That smell I emit? The one that withers flowers?
It’s vomit, actually. I puke every time I read this goddamn comment board.
You and everyone else
Irene— you sound like a cross between a bad Shakespeare character and the French Soldier from Holy Grail.
I fart in your general direction.
hey punk. leave my mom alone or i’ll smack you around like a little bitch.
Actually, Irwin would love that.
I would. I’m not even joking.
Although I thought my comment sounded more like a compliment. It was meant that way, I posted that before I became all crazy, xenophobic and apparently filled with GILF lust.
It feel good to be back to (relatively) normal.
Just another ploy to usurp all five spots on the “Most Commented” page, eh, Listi?
It’s not my fault if I bring the heat. If you really wanna play dirty, you should start posting links to your own TNB posts on the board, so that these fine readers can come visit you and take a dump all over your comment board, too.
Kimberly Wetherell, ladies and gentlemen!
ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We’re not your comment board puppets, asshole. You think you’re the Man or something? Find someone else to be your douchey “comment army,” please.
Obey, puppet!
Obviously some of that bat-shit crazy hot sunshine from AZ rubbed off on Tawni. Burn baby burn.
Tawni - You almost had it. The smiley face at the end ruined it.
She just can’t resist. It’s like, if she doesn’t smile at you and emit peaceful sunshine, she’ll die.
Gloria- I can’t participate in practical jokes for this reason. I have trouble with mean, even fake mean. Without the smiley face I was physically incapable of hitting the “Add Comment” button. I actually tried. I’m weak. I need bitch training.
I want to tell Brad to fuck off for that remark, but damn it. He’s fucking right. Fuck.
@Tawni: With regards to bitch training, you might want to consult Becky. She’s apparently really cheap.
Tawni a.k.a. “Daddy Issues” Care Bear would loooooove some Bitch Training By Becky. I hear she’s a real tiger.
Tawni is awesome. I so badly wanted to be able to jestily write something mean but I can’t do it.
It would be like beating a child brain dead with a lollipop.
You’d be thrown out of Bitch Training, probably after thanking the Instructor for spitting in your face and calling you a whore.
Heh. You’re awesome too. At the bottom of the board, I totally wanted to tease you after your serious comment and I couldn’t do it either.
I’d be sure to get a thank you note in the mail to the Bitch Training Instructor within a few days as well. Manners are important.
To be honest I left the nice sentimental comment without reading through another one of Brad’s laborious blogs or the inane comments these jobless hobos leave but the hobnailed boot load so I didn’t really *get* what was going on.
Cheap? Training would be free.
But since you’re all a bunch of simpering panties hobbling around with your tails over your nuts, it’ll be double. If you ever extract your noses from Brad’s asscrack long enough to use a telephone, please feel free to give me a call.
The number available from all good Minnesota phone booths and public restrooms.
Brad knows it.
And what does it really say about Becky that people would rather have their noses stuffed into my ass than talk to her on the phone?
Your ass talks more sense.
I don’t beg people to call me?
It’s quality, not quantity, dude.
What are you trying to say bitch?
(sorry :-))
@ Cassiopeia This bunch is rabid. I hope you’ve been vaccinated.
So Brad,
When ALL of the MOST COMMENTED are yours, will you at least lengthen the list or something?
Or how about this?
Two MOST COMMENTED sections:
1. The Brad section
2. The everyone else section
We’re working on trying to improve the widgets, Irene. Right now they don’t update enough. If it were up to me, it work on a daily or weekly basis. Meaning: the “Most Commented” section would feature a list of posts that have the most comments today or this week. I don’t like the stagnant nature of the lists. Hopefully these designer guys can find a widget that does a better job of keeping things fluid. It’s much better for site traffic, and it’s definitely something I’m aware of.
Or, Say. the designer guys can get me the blinkety blank pings when i get a comment!!!!!!
As we can see the Listi commenter is a whole other class of lewd, crued, motley blogmenter. The clowns almost always upstage the star attraction, even in the best of shows.
I’m collecting all my comments for my memoirs, “Queen of the Blog Groupies.” There’s going to be a youtube flashfilm of the book guaranteed to induce a seizure or some sort of fit.
oooooh seizures
*salivates in anticipation*
Seriously - the comment portion of blogging is altering the literary world in large ways. Already one can see the expansive difference in how bloggers appeal to the masses and how the reclusive writer approaches the process. Writing has always been a team effort but with a delayed effect. Now there is instant feedback which inspires a more direct course of action for the writer. At least that’s how it appears. I’m not a writer so I can only assume.
Which reminds me - I can’t believe you pulled down the A.D.D. Blog. It was a great example of how to blog to the people. It could’ve been used in cyber-lit courses in colleges everywhere… what a loss to the literary scene. It’s akin to burning books Listi. Downright shameful.
Myspace fucking sucks.
YOU fucking suck.
Sorry. I was just kidding. I’m not good at this being an asshole thing. Well, my daughter and my ex-husband may disagree…
You suck for saying sorry. Toughen up, for fuck’s sake, and grow a pair.
Fuck you, Listi. Uh…fuck you really hard. With something sharp. And jagged.
Yeah, Harden the fuck up… (shout out to Z!)
@Gloria: What was that? Fisher-Price, My First Insult.
Listi - If I want to read your shitty words, I’ll pick up a copy of Attention. Deficit. Disorder. Okay?
If you really want to read my “shitty” words, you’ll ram the book up your ass before reading.
Hey! That’s a great idea. I’ll bet I could a whole bunch of them for cheaper than a package of toilet paper. Sweet!
burn.
That was pretty fucking awesome Gloria
She burned me by making a syntax error. So impressive.
Sting a bit, grammar police?
Only in the sense that I had to watch you guys applaud her for mangling the language.
Yeah. THAT’S what we applauded.
I can actually hear your butthole tightening right now.
That statement would seem to imply that you’re pretty close to it.
I know what you’re going to do before you do.
I’m psychic like that.
It wants to suck you.
What does? My butthole?
It now exists at BradListi.com.
Myspace is a shit-hole.
And by that I mean, what was formerly The A.D.D. Blog can now be found at http://www.bradlisti.com or here at TNB.
*dons falsetto voice* BITCHES
Now I must run to pick the child up from school.
I’ll be back.
Don’t hurry.
doh
Geez. This is the most you’ve ever commented on your own board. Have you just been waiting for a venue to display your inner asshole? Tawni says she needs bitch training - I vote you give it to her.
I’m just procrastinating. You fuckers have drawn me in.
As for bitch-training, I’ve already advised her on that matter up above. Why don’t you read the fucking board first before casting mindless votes.
Haha! you fucked it up again!!!!
I can’t really let loose. I couldn’t possibly. The level of pure evil I am capable of is not appropriate, even, for the most intentionally hostile blog ever.
Somewhere, in my head, the Pamplona Bulls are surging against the gate.
I’ve got to stop.
And go home from work.
Heh. It’s getting all Lord of the Flies in here. I love it.
LICK THE CHEESE OUT OF THE FOLDS OF MY UNCIRCUMCISED COCK MOTHER FUCKERS!
Holy vile.
*needle goes off the record player*
If anyone needs to toughen up, I’m available to follow you around and hurl insults. $30 an hour to start, group discounts available!
Dude. I think Phat B just trumped all of y’all’s asses.
That’s not evil, it’s just gross.
What’s gross to you is lunch for my quadriplegic faggot slave. I keep him under the stairs.
This is nice. I can hear that Phil Collins Song in my head.
“I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life”
That would be funny if this became the most commented post. People coming to TNB for the first time to take a look-see. Let’s check out the most popular story.
You can link to it on your digital rèsumè.
Wow. I don’t know if I want to go toe-to-toe with you, Phat B. Three types of bigotry in one post…and with the kind of creativity only a very excitable fourteen year-old lan partier with an incurable erection could muster.
Nice.
Becky, you’re good.
Don’t compliment her. She’ll never leave you alone. It’s like feeding a stray cat.
…in bed.
Damn comments cut me off. Let me try again:
***
Nice.
Becky, you’re good…in bed…with the 14-year-old midget faction of the World of Warcraft set.
***
Yeah, I got nothin’.
It’s like feeding you, whore.
I should be paid. I’m just not sure who’s the pimp.
Blog fail, dummy.
Dummy readers reading dumb posts about dumb shit that no one cares about. Making “friends” and picking fights and having conversations about shit and thinking you’re all smart.
I don’t even know why I am here, penis wrinkle!
Oh get fucked, the lot of you.
Go fuck yourself, slut.
U FuCKinG $UcK LiStI
DiZ SiTe iZ FuLl oF FuCkInG CuM EaTeRZ aNd ShIT
Honestly, Irwin, I expected better of you.
Put down the porn for a few minutes and start channeling your energies into some witty vitriol.
I just left a highly sentimental comment and explained that I got bored halfway through.
I want to put down the porn but hot damn is your mother really quite easy on the eye (British people are bad at ‘yo momma’ jokes, too polite and reserved.)
Overall, I think the TNB comments are pretty darn rocken. Often, they even rival the posts themselves for savvy and intellect.
Keep up the great work everyone.
*sniffs the air*
Is that your vagina I smell?
It is— but it’s his ass you can taste.
Well played, sir. It’s about time you said something disgusting.
It’s about time you said something interesting.
Now you’re getting the hang of it.
Too bad it took you twice as long as everyone else.
That’s what we said when you pussies finally limped into WWII.
Hooray for archaic racism!
Historical burn.
Sweet.
They had to say something. Plenty of time to talk when you’re huddled in a subway tunnel.
Er.
I mean.
Bunker.
That comeback was lame it makes FDR look like a fucking gymnast.
I’m just saying we thought you had it under control.
Turns out the sun DOES set on the British Empire.
We did have it under control.
Let’s play ‘name a country in Europe the Nazis failed to invade’
*oh! Oh! I know miss! Pick me! Pick me!*
GREAT BRITAIN.
Let’s play ‘name the country so fucking in control they were able to out manufacture the Nazi’s airforce and tanks despite being around a quarter of the size’
GREAT BRITAIN
We were in a lot of control. Shit, hiding in tube stations when London is being blanket bombed sounds pretty fucking sensible to me.
You fucking Americans with your Japanese genocides didn’t win the war, merely accelerated the surrender.
And the Sun did set on the British Empire, only because we let it. And the fact still remains that at it’s peak our Empire was the most successful in the history of all world domination attempts in terms of size and longevity. And what’s more, the rest of the world still loves us.
You guys have fucked up invading Cuba, Korea, Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, Iraq again and a few other nations smaller than Britain. And most of the word hates you. And your nation is an experiment gone awry, like a bad acid trip.
Oh, shit, here we go. Give my regards to the queen.
Elizabeth I, I mean. The last one worth a shit.
Gone too far?
Elizabeth II is pretty solid, some would say better than the First, although the general consensus is that the original is still the best. Sublime direction, a fascinating cast of characters and a smoother, and more gripping plot and plenty of quote-worthy dialogue.
She was a wonderful writer (like her mom). That’s how she hooked me. And she was an original. I like prototypes. She was sort of the first feminazi. While I’m not a fan of feminazis, she was WAY ahead of her time, and I respect that. The woman was a force.
I dig the whole ‘married to my country’ thing. And the fact she bathed twice a year even if she ‘didn’t need to.’
Classy girl.
She would have kicked all our asses. With or without Walter Raleigh’s help. Bitch was fierce.
Rich, your positivity is cramping my style and the spirit of this whole fucking blog, so I think it’s due time you take your smelly hippie hat off and tell us what you really think.
I would have gone on longer, but surprisingly I couldn’t think of anything more childishly abusive to say. And typing like that is so fucking hard to do.
I’ve noticed that BradListi.com and TNB have very different comment boards to almost every other site on this ol’ internet of ours. Very civilized, very witty and entertaining and I think very familiar; to the greatest extent we can know each other online we know each other pretty well. Enough at least to treat each other as induviduals, as friends, rather than just other blog readers. I think thats probably a big draw with this site; the comment section is an online community in itself.
I go on the AV Club site alot and read alot of the comments but never comment myself; their comment board has an incredibly hostile and competitive atmosphere where the phrase ‘canceraids’ crops up even more the Kerouac does on Brad’s comment board. (See, look, that’s a BL.com in-joke, we have in-jokes, like real friends!)
Empire.com has a good comment board, its a film magazine which is friendlier and more casual. It’s fun but not a community.
Fuck man, I really love this site, I love all my fellow comment leavers. This is probably the best web community around. It’s special.
I crown you Queen Pussy
Suck my sceptre and lick my orbs.
thats a monarchy joke by the way, you’d understand if your history was more illustrious than a bunch of British paupers, prisoners and religious nutjobs landing on a large bountiful landmass and ripping off/slaughtering the natives.
That’s like looking at your own child and telling him his parents must be morons.
“YOU, DAD! I LEARNED IT BY WATCHING YOU!”
Key word being history ,what have you done for us lately ?
*bites off sceptre*
No, that’s like looking at an aborted fetus in a bucket and telling him his parents never wanted him to happen.
And then having him come back and bail your ass out of the subway anyway.
you’re referring to the war again? I’ve mentioned earlier, you didn’t save our cowering nation from our tube station walls.
I can see why you’d cling to WWII though, wasn’t that the last time you guys were on the winning side?
And you?
I’ll remind you, I wasn’t the one who brought all this up. Twice.
At least.
We had a pathetic victory in the Falklands in the early 80s.
And you made the subway jibe twice, you were asking for it.
Marybear— supported you in an illegal and misjudged war against the concept of ‘terror’ which makes the War on Drugs look winnable.
And we gave your president a pretty nifty pen holder.
I believe this thread is the “jump the shark” moment of today’s broadcast.
Irwin, I was simply trying to bridge two instances of the same argument.
You guys realise I’m joking right? Because I just read back and it looks like a real arguement
Brad. Jump the shark? Given the nature of your recent posts, I think this is as deep as it’s going to get around here. I offered a serious response as well; you know I’m good for a serious discussion. Let’s have it. I’m intense. I like Jack Kerouac and other offensive things. Let’s get right to the bottom of it.
Also, Britons smell like Sprite. And that brown sauce stuff.
Like Sprite? Fuck you!
And that brown sauce stuff, Brown Sauce, smells a damn sight better than fragrant musk of hamburger grease, ignorance, broken dreams and crusted semen of the average american
Oh honestly, Irwin. The only thing you smell is the scent of projection. Like Britain hasn’t failed horribly. Oh RIGHT! You failed on purpose.
*eye roll*
Britain failed horribly?
I guess your right, our embarassing defeats to two small nations in the South Pacific, collapse of our economy, failed war on terror, detention without trial and torture of prisoners, detonation of two atomic bombs and civil rights history, amongst many other things are a terrible failure.
Oh, hang on, that was somebody else…
At least when Americans eat a shit sandwich, we can do it with a smile that DOESN’T frighten small children.
And the last time I checked, “shit sandwich” was a typical item on the menu of many fine British eating establishments. Right next to the bangers & mash and squirrel pudding.
Why I’m getting increasingly less jokey and defensive of my country I don’t really know.
Tiredness perhaps, a subconcious love for old Blightly I never knew I had… I don’t know.
It’s nearly 3am and I suspect I have gone way, way to far. Probably more than once.
I’m going to bed.
God bless America.
Your defeat at the hands of a bunch of criminals, zealots, and undesireables…and the FRENCH…is hanging around out there. We had a bunch of pitchforks and farmers and we did away with you.
But I meant your comment earlier that the sun sets on Britain because you willed it so. Not because you were ever kicked the fuck out or withdrew on economic grounds from those colonies… no. I’m sure it was all very different. I’m sure it was all virtuous and practical and shit.
Brad,
I NEED to know how to post a photo on the comments section.
YOu explained it once before, but IT DID NOT WORK.
You are officially the ONLY one who can post a photo on the comments section. Take a look. NO ONE has been able to do it but you.
That is NOT fair.
(Is there something going on between you and Becky? Seriously.)
(I have your wife’s back here.)
There is a bug in the system that prevents people (besides me, the site moderator) from embedding photos, apparently. This is going to be fixed when TNB 3.0 launches this summer. My apologies for the inconvenience. I realize it’s unfair.
As for Becky: We go back a ways. She’s, like, a professional cyber-antagonist. But no, much to her great disappointment, the relationship is strictly cyber-platonic.
Everyone, including Brad, has dreamt about having sex with Brad.
Except me.
I mostly dream about peeing in his gas tank. Or on the hamster in the wheel. Or however that thing runs.
And to be fair, I’d be happy to antagonize him in person, but he’s scared of me. Because he is a big sissy.
I just wanted to say that I feel so much love toward you all right now. I feel like skipping. With daisies.
Sigh.
It’s weird that all this mock hatred really shows how much love there is on this comment board.
HATE IS LOVE
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
Everyone is Everyone. The specifics hardly matter.
CAPITALIZED TRUISMS IS PRETENTIOUS
I’m quoting Big Brother in 1984. It’s by a guy named George Orwell. One of your countrymen.
Zing! Or Pip-Pip? What’s the British slang for “burned?”
To quote one of your countrymen, I ‘misunderestimated’ you.
hahahahaha
Seriously — you guys are GOOD at this.
@Erika Rae I wanna see your grandma in a red bikini.
http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/erae/2009/05/grandmas-red-bikini/
What happened to my reply to this? Too much for ya Listi? You fucking pussy!
Board is weird today. Re-post.
Sorry, Irwin. Brad got distracted by thoughts of my grandma in a bikini. Dude’s got a thing for the geri set.
She would have slurped you down with her Metamucil, Listi. Stick to your own age.
She would have slurped me down alright.
is ‘’slurped you down” supposed to be innuendo or do I need a bucket of cold water?
That depends. Grandma make you hot, too?
Are you kidding? He’ll take whatever he can get.
That much is true
Brad, you talk dirty like a German accountant.
Or like Hank Hill.
This, of course, implies that you know what a German accountant talks like when he talks dirty. Which doesn’t surprise me in the least.
I have the power of imagination. That you don’t understand it doesn’t surprise me, either.
*flicking staples at you*
Careful! We know where those staples have been.
You raw nipples give us a fair idea.
Your raw and bloodied nipples give is a fair idea
the quality of an insult is lessened by an embarassing double post. Although it’s the fault of your site— telling me to slow down and then devouring two at once. Reminds me of your mother.
*spits coffee on computer screen*
that also reminds me of your mother.
buncha wannbewriter writin’ failed av club cant get a job at the library broke-ass tempin’ dead end jobbin flip-floppin’ word-whorin’ insight deficit and attention desperate comment-swappin’ nonfiction conjurin’ delusion junkies. scribbled bitches shut up.
i love you all
WHY’D YOU HAVE TO PUSS OUT AT THE END?!?!
jmb - that so needs to be your description of TNB on the “About” page.
because I am the king of Pussia.
Fly as I may, I cannot escape…
Call me misfit.
Has anybody said ‘cunt’ yet?
With you here to set the example, we don’t need to.
I came close to actually calling a few people cunts on this fascinating unleashing of vicious selves.
But I always get the impression you guys treat it as a *really* bad word and totally unacceptable in any way shape or form.
It probably is a bit much, I’m spiralling out of control.
Oh, bugger off.
Or something.
Golly, no need for that sort of ferocity! Let’s settle this dispute over a pot of tea— Mrs Fannyweather has just taken some fresh scone from the oven…
Eh? Out of control, tosser? Throw your cunt at me, whore, I’m not afraid.
I’m not throwing you my cunt— you look like you’ll bite!
Like you Welsh nibble on the sheep?
By “scones”, did you mean to say “cunt?”
Glad to see you’ve moved on from my grandma to Mrs. Fannyweather.
You little limey wanker. We all know if you even SAW a cunt in real life you’d have no idea what to do with it. Probably run and hide into your little tube stations and cry big sodding tears into your fucking tea. “Oh mummy, mummy!” and all of that.
Bollocks.
I brought this on myself. dammit yankee, you win this round. It’s nearly 2.30am, I’m all out of steam.
God bless you all, you beautiful cunts!
Goodnoght you English pissant.
James,
Don’t you listen to them. You’re a good cunt. Everyone knows it.
Comment bored.
Oh yeah … suck it, Listi! And the same to all the rest of the assholes here!
(I love you all.)
All y’all assholes are a bunch of followers, commenting however Brad tells you. Grow a pair, find your spine.
*Some* people (though judging by the number of comments here, just me) have “lives” and “responsibilities” so can’t sit all day spewing lame one-upsmanship towards other mindless sheep. And I know all the spewing went on because I just sat here and read all 261 comments.
I go to TNB and bradlisti.com to engage in intellectual discussions but you’ve all shown me you’re nothing more than a bunch of fucktard morons.
I’ve lost a lot of respect for you all today.
In conclusion, suck it.
I just remembered how much I love the word “fucktard.”
”fucktard” is possible the greatest word in the English language. It really has it all.
I love the little “comments” feature on my own blog, for a few reasons: a good friend who boats proficient English skills despite it being his third or fourth language never fails to amuse and delight with his wonky idioms translated directly from German to English; strangers pop up now and then with curious and highly personal observations; and, it shows the love, so to speak.
I love the little “comments” feature on others’ blogs, for a few reasons: it’s a good venue to carefully and critically work through how a piece makes ME feel; it’s a good method of pointing out the subtle things a writer might not have articulated in their work, but might like to consider; and, it’s a friendly way of expressing admiration.
In a broader, less personal sense, I love “comments” culture in general, because it is a bit like reality TV–the medium distilled down to its essence. In short, TV has traveled on a plotted course from expensive, well-written programmes to down and dirty, lazily penned or fully unscripted voyeuristic trash. In a funny way, what it was always destined to become. Likewise, Internet comments reflect what cyberspace was destined to become.
I’m so late to the party that I certainly can’t insult anyone at this point, but I want you to know that I giggled myself silly all through the comments. I pretty much suck at pretend vitriol anyway, just end up sounding like a pathetic passive-aggressive fucktard*. Although if really riled I’m a force to be reckoned with.
I’m a HUGE fan of online forums, discussion boards and commentary on some blogs (most notably this one). For me it started with a passion for a band (Pearl Jam) and their forum on AOL. This would have been in 1992? 93? pre-historic really. I met a group of people that literally changed my life. We went from online discussions to chats to im’s to phone calls to visits to traveling together to being a MOH etc. (And I don’t mean to imply that I became friends with everyone and we all sang kumbya or anything, but we just sort of peeled off from the big group and became 15 or so who had our own little email list.) And from the Pearl Jam “folder” I was directed to The Rugburns “folder” because of the song “Me and Eddie Vedder” - humorless PJ fans are legend, so those of us who were amused instantly had another thing in common. When The Rugburns went extinct and Steve Poltz went solo he started a website with a forum, and a friend pointed me in that direction. In its heyday it was amazing. A core group of about 20 or so posted every day, and hardly any of it had anything to do with poltz or even music. We just were, and still are a community of very close friends who really matter to each other. I really can’t imagine my life without any of them.
I just think it’s really cool that we can connect because of shared ideals or passions instead of forced relationships based on geography.
The Christopher Moore forum is generally pretty witty and a fun bunch of people, but it’s so active and large that I just can’t participate and hold a full time job.
Did I overshare?
*fucktard - on my top ten words of all time list.
Pearl Jam, Rugburns….Dana, you’re a woman after my own heart…
I’ve moderated comments on TV blogs, regular blogs and news sites. And it’s the anonymous schleps who always come back thinking they can start a fight.
And then there are the haters, which your article didn’t allude to and who often are the anonymous people. We who are in the public eye all have our share of haters (if you’ve ever posted controversial articles you know this).
Like I said, haters are sometimes anonymous, sometimes not. They try to leverage what online popularity they have to spark anti-behavior from others. Paulo Coelho in “The Devil and Miss Prym” writes about people who are bitter and vindictive. People who can’t move forward in their own life. They’re tempted to, but can’t.
I think those people tend to find a new pitiful life for themselves as anonymous commenters or just hateful ones.
I’m glad you posted this.
I’m a hater. Shame on me.
this is a case in which the comments are better than the actual post
I couldn’t agree more.
You suck ass, Brad.
I love you, Irene.
Aw.
Okay, I’ll rewrite:
You suck eggs.
(Nicer, eh?)
(Six comments away from topping your own self, Brad!)
This is just inching towards the 287 mark.
As a fan of tenuous irony, I’m only too happy to help it on its way…
Only three more comments to go.
But I’m done with the hatin’ because I’m too convincing, apparently. I warned about this.
What else?
Irwin, England is a fine country and a solid #3 on my list of places to go before I die.
Wait, that sounded like hating. But it wasn’t. Italy, Egypt, Greece, England. Okay, so 4. But look at the competition. If you guys only had the right kind of ancient ruin.
And I’m sure the Queen is a fine woman. British history is fascinating, as I discovered through many literary survey courses.
Brad, maybe a foil. Which is why it’s so fun and interesting–for me, anyway. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I think this comment will level it.
I was completely joking with every comment; playing the overly patriotic Brit. There is naturally a little genuine feeling in their (I am relatively proud of my country’s history) but I can’t get that worked up about it all really.
And I totally get why you’d want to see those places before England, I’ve been to Italy and Greece and it was amazing. I’d rather go there than here. And you know I love America for the most part.
And the Queen is awesome, she appears to like your first lady.
I enjoyed the whole ‘hatefest’— very carthartic in a way, I think
Oh fuck this, I can’t stand the tension.
Here it is:
288.
Happy now?
I blame all internet hatred on the /b/ board on 4chan.org. Anonymous is legion, and they hate us all.
and where the hell have you been young man?!
I have borwse a lot of blog, but no one as good as your blog.