MANCHESTER, ENGLAND -

The streets of London are wild with passion today, but very few are sure why.

Some are protesting Peter Crouch’s recent renewal into the injury-hampered national football team, while others have doctored their work time-sheets to be publicly abrasive towards an automobile dubbed ‘The Beast’.

‘The Beast’ isn’t a practical or charming vehicle.  Amongst other details that the right people aren’t willing to discuss, the Cadillac-grade limousine features armour 8 inches thick, Kevlar-reinforced tyres, tear-gas cannons and a fluorescent halo lighting system in the headliner to ward away national depression.  Two rear seats (reserved especially for the The Beast’s owner) reportedly feature individual recline and folding desks.

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