Thursday, April 27, 2017
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John McNulty Archive

John McNulty

Inbox of Tears: An Ode To Old Emails

August 19th, 2009
by John McNulty

PARIS-

In the corners of my coffee stained eyes, a hollow blue reflection. I’m staring at my earth toy, my computer, my mistress, my bitch. My screensaver shows a classic western landscape not available to twentieth century globe dwellers anymore.

I mouse in with the oh so slight touch of my pinky finger.

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John McNulty

What is That Word? A Guide To French English

June 29th, 2009
by John McNulty

PARIS-

A Guide to French English for the English 

Or 

How to understand what the hell the French are saying to us in our own language.

Note: there are many words in both the French and English language which have been incorporated and used correctly. Words such as “rendez vous” and “entrepeneur” on the English French side and “rock and roll” and “donut” on the French English side.

I am not interested in these words. 

I am however very interested in the misappropriate (sometimes bordering on psychedelic use of the English language in daily French life) Yes, I am talking about instances where a foreign word has been incorporated so incorrectly, so weirdly, it borders on dadaist art. 

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John McNulty

HELP! I AM SICK OF KISSING EVERYBODY

June 10th, 2009
by John McNulty

PARIS-

Paris, 

I never thought I would write this sentence formally, in an environment where potentially dozens of people can share in my awkwardness, but it’s true: I have grown weary and tired of kissing people. 

To be clear: I am writing of the act of greeting and departure. The seemingly innocuous act of kissing random strangers whenever you meet or say goodbye to a group of individuals in public settings.

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John McNulty

Of Parisian Cafes and Their Toilets - A Manifesto

May 28th, 2009
by John McNulty

PARIS-

Question: Why do tiny toilets in Parisian Cafes have doors that open inwards? Why must so many users remain crushed and contorted as they try and use the facilities? Rise up. Rise up. Youth and cafe culture and claim what is rightfully yours. Toilets with more surface area! 

Point of fact (in favor of Parisian Cafes): We the people have progressed to the point where there is no longer a single solitary hole in the ground.  (As a witness, I can attest that this was a norm in Paris up until the late nineties). Surely now we can take the next bold step and extend our toilets to acommodate full sized human beings? “Allez”. That means “Come On”.

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John McNulty

Roland Frumeau, Jean Seburg and Monsieur Frumeau’s Wife

May 9th, 2009
by John McNulty

PARIS-

When I first moved to Paris, I discovered that I was going to be a father. The fire inside me was burning as bright as it was ever going to be and I set out on my long public search for gainful employment. I needed some immediate cash to tie me over. Some money to pay rent. Some money to pay hospital bills. Some money to calm the circus of uncertainty that was becoming my life. I also hoped that I could get something that utilized my boundless propensity for waxing on empty. I had a talent for telling other people what’s wrong with their art and I would be damned if I was going to let that go to waste. I took out an advertisement in a local English language wanted ads and stated, matter of fact, that I could help people write the movie of their dreams. I don’t mean to be cynical, but you’re either working on the great screenplay of the 21st century or you’re not. Obviously this sentiment was not going to go into the ad. It had to sound jazzy. I put on my best marketing cap and made up the best advertisement possible in ten words or less. I don’t remember how it went. 

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John McNulty

Parisian Women Never Look Up

April 29th, 2009
by John McNulty

PARIS-

Parisian women never look up. They don’t. They just don’t. It’s a fact. No eye contact. So don’t expect it. You’re never going to get it. 

A true Parisian woman finds the floor fascinating.

I’ve seen them in their daily commutes. Ladies getting where they have to go. They sit in their seats and stand in their standing places. 

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