Thursday, April 27, 2017
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Emma Ashwood Archive

Emma Ashwood

The Friend Who Wasn’t Quite Right

November 6th, 2007
by Emma Ashwood

LONDON-

When we moved back to England, I was nine and a half. We had lived in New Jersey for three years.
When my mother told me, I thought of going home as a good thing. It would erase the strangeness that

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Emma Ashwood

Thanks For Nothing, Spiderman

July 31st, 2007
by Emma Ashwood

LONDON-

Dear Peter
Hi. How are you? I mean, well, presumably, what with that spider DNA and everything. I hope your aunt had a happy birthday. Considering she’s been frozen in time for 45 years as a pink-cheeked old lady, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess she’s ok too.

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Emma Ashwood

The Man In Our House Was Not My Grandfather (Part II)

May 2nd, 2007
by Emma Ashwood

LONDON-

In Part I of this story, the author’s mother – in her fifties – finds out she was adopted. Then, while investigating parish records in the village where her biological family lived, she’s recognised by a relative. She is told that she has a brother, who does not know she exists.

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Emma Ashwood

The Man in Our House Was Not My Grandfather After All (Part I)

March 23rd, 2007
by Emma Ashwood

LONDON-

One of the strangest things about life is the way that it rewrites itself. One moment, there you are, with the facts of your existence spread out in front of you, tidy and accessible, like a picnic on a blanket.

Perhaps you look away. And when you look back, everything is different. Rearranged by a glittering train of ants.

It’s a little Alice-In-Wonderland. It’s a little unnerving. It seems to happen all the time. Here’s an example.

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Emma Ashwood

Were You Ever in a Fake Band? Something We Did in the 1980s That Seems Strangely Quaint Now

March 1st, 2007
by Emma Ashwood

LONDON-

Were you ever in a band? Wait, I should rephrase that. Were you ever in a fake band? Do kids still do that or was it just something we did in the 1980s before the existence of Bratz and internet porn?

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Emma Ashwood

Of Psychopathic Corporations and Threatening Letters

January 19th, 2007
by Emma Ashwood

LONDON-

I’m sure everyone has heard the proposition of the corporation as psychopath. It goes something like this. If a corporation was a person, the forms of behaviour they display would mark them out as a psychopath.

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Emma Ashwood

Evil in Biography: or How To Score Yourself a Great Death by Finding Your Parachute

December 15th, 2006
by Emma Ashwood

LONDON-

I said to my brother, “I’ve just been reading a book on Evelyn Waugh.”

He said, “Evil in war? That sounds like a hardcore book.”

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Emma Ashwood

In Which We Mock a Marketing Gimmick, Reveal our own Anti-Gimmick Gimmick, and Rend our Clothes in Despair at Inappropriate Attempts to Stimulate our Jaded Appetites

November 26th, 2006
by Emma Ashwood

LONDON-

Meet the C’mons.

The C’mons are fabric puppets. They are positioned as a Gorillaz style band from Barcelona. Of course, if you’ve heard any of their tunes, which all feature the repetitious lyrics, ‘C’mon, c’mon, c’mon…’ (ad infinitum), you might be a tad suspicious.

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