Twitter Advice for Johnny Depp, Mary Lynn Rajskub, and YouJune 24th, 2009
by Aaron Dietz
Let’s start with the Twitter advice for you, since the majority of you fit into that category. If you’re Johnny Depp or Mary Lynn Rajskub, you can skip to the relevant section.
Scenario: You are you. You’re on Twitter. If you’re totally lost, you can get the basics from Greg Olear, but whether or not you hit Olear’s brief survival guide, I’m going to tell you what Twitter is:
It’s a site where people type what they’re doing into the Internet and then nobody reads it because nobody cares.
I mean, seriously. Or at least, that’s 99% of the traffic there*.
The other 1% are the people who say something interesting once in a while. This will hopefully be you, by the way. Let’s look at some examples.
A boring Twitter post:
Saw a movie.
Still boring, but at least it’s more specific:
Saw the new Terminator movie.
Still boring, but at least making an attempt to share a valid thought or opinion:
Saw the new Terminator and thought it was boring.
And now, something somewhat better:
Saw the new Terminator. Why was Christian Bale fighting on the side of the humans?
And so on. Look, I thought of some great examples but I’m saving them for my updates, because of course I’m on Twitter.
But you get the idea: Unless you’re already famous, you can’t afford to be boring. Well, I mean, you CAN afford to be boring, since Twitter is free, but if you are using Twitter in some kind of hope that others read your posts, it’s not in your best interest to be boring.
It helps to understand where true social networking success comes from. While the majority of social networking is indeed primarily typing text into textboxes and clicking a button, the success comes from what you type, not from having typed something. It’s quality that makes the grade, not your mad skillz at entering stuff into textboxes and clicking Submit.
Okay, got it? Pretty simple, really. Let the world be interesting.
Scenario: You’re Johnny Depp. Everyone knows you as someone who is always doing something strange or crazy or amazing.
On Twitter, then, you should be boring. This works because no one on the planet can imagine you doing something boring. Thus, a Twitter post equivalent to Put on shoes = OMG LOL Johnny Depp put on his shoes!!!11!!! LMAO!!!11!!1!!
I mean, seriously, Johnny Depp could never put on his shoes–that would be insane!
Scenario: You’re Mary Lynn Rajskub. Truth be told, you can do whatever you want. I’ll still follow you.
*Statistic not actually gathered from anywhere or valid.