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Archive for February, 2007

Kip Tobin

47 vs 23: The Debate Rages to a Head

February 28th, 2007
by Kip Tobin

MADRID-

Her first name was Kim.

The license plate on her car read RUSH 47.

Her last name can’t be recalled.

She listened to Rush way too much, so that part of the plate merited no query.

But the 47, that piqued my interest. (more…)


Jennifer Duffield White

Your Assignment: Stalk the Professor Buying Googly Eyes at Your Local Department Store

February 27th, 2007
by Jennifer Duffield White

SARANAC LAKE, NY-

My job takes me to places like Ecuador and Holland to write about flowers.

I also end up in lots of concrete convention centers and in greenhouses tucked back on roads without proper signage.

Last week, it was a conference on pests and diseases of flowers—the kind where you view tables of researchresults, learn which new chemicals and “good bugs” will knock them down, how zoospores thrive, how slugs mate, and which tospoviruses affect petunias.

(more…)


Megan Power

Anatomy of a Night: 4th Street, Jager, A Homeless Solo, Bratwurst, and Other Things That Make Austin A-OK

February 27th, 2007
by Megan Power

AUSTIN, TX-

The capital prides itself, even more than on being the “Live Music Capital of the World” and home of the Longhorns, as the best spot for emo boys, urban cougars ,football players and lipstick lesbians to drink together in harmony.

(more…)


Lenore Zion

When You Have To Show Up Somewhere At Least Three Times, It’s Best Not To Do The Stupid Shit Until The Third Time

February 27th, 2007
by Lenore Zion

LOS ANGELES, CA-

I humiliate myself just about everywhere I go.

It’s sort of my thing. Unintentionally and unfortunately.

(more…)


Zoe Brock

The Love Chronicles, Part 5- In Which We Wrap Up This Sorry Tale with a Smile, a Shrug, and a Small Amount of Satisfied Serenity

February 26th, 2007
by Zoe Brock

LOS ANGELES, CA-

Like most people my trajectory through life has been filled with tests and lessons.

If school prepared me for anything it certainly wasn’t a career, but an ability to recognize when I was about to be graded.

Returning to LA was a test on both my relationship and my ability to be loved and reciprocate love.

I failed.

The first week was blissful and sweet. We met each others friends and took each other to our favorite places. We nuzzled and fondled and pulled the car over to the side of the road to have panic-stricken emergency sex on the side of Santa Monica Boulevard.

(more…)


R Kent

R Kent’s French Movie Reviews II: La Môme, Marion Cotillard’s Colorful Portrayal of Edith Piaf’s Vie en Rose

February 26th, 2007
by R Kent

PARIS-

Certain French stereotypes refuse to die.

For example: they all love Jerry Lewis.

(French people under the age of 60 have no idea who he is.)

Mimes everywhere.

(France has been relatively mime-free for at least 20 years.)

The men all wear berets.

(You’ll see a hundred New York Yankees caps here before you see a man wearing a beret.)

One more: wherever you go, Edith Piaf’s hauntingly beautiful ‘La Vie en Rose’ plays in the background.

The quintessential French ballad, which translates roughly as ‘My Life in Pink’, that Piaf wrote in 1945 may not be as ubiquitous as it was in post-war France, but thanks to a new film about her life, that song and others to which she gave life have seen a popular resurgence.

Olivier Dahan’s La Môme, starring Marion Cotillard as Piaf, is a much-anticipated love song to the legendary songstress. (more…)


Maureen Quinlan Jouhet

The Concept of ‘Pacte Civil deSolidarité’ Has Made My Views on Marriage Seem Like Those of a Conservative Weirdo, How Did That Happen?

February 26th, 2007
by Maureen Quinlan Jouhet

AUVERGNE, FR-

A friend of mine told me a story the other day.

She had been on vacation in Italy. Her family were having dinner at a restaurant and a wedding reception was being held in another room.

When she went to powder her nose, she discovered the bride taking a break from the festivities to breastfeed her child in the bathroom. She was shocked.

I was not. Ah Europe.

(more…)


Kaytie M. Lee

Englishman on the Beach, Part Two, or: The Secret Ingredient Is Revealed to Be Mildly Disgusting–Why Can’t I Stop Dipping Chips into It?

February 24th, 2007
by Kaytie M. Lee

SAN DIEGO, CA-

Following our trek to the beach (by now stale news) I took Martyn to Shakespeare Pub & Grill.

There’s some question as to whether there’s an “apostrophe s” at the end of Shakespeare and the web page has it both ways.

(more…)


Rich Ferguson

Birth, Aging, Sickness, Death, Separation From What is Pleasing…All is Dukkha: The Director’s Cut

February 22nd, 2007
by Rich Ferguson

LOS ANGELES, CA-

 

 

(Note: Here, Dukkha refers to the Buddhist concept of Suffering, not to the middle-eastern/Egyptian condiment)

Start movie
Roll opening credits
Over shots of surgery scene
Draped body
Incision into chest
Beating heart

(more…)


Rebecca Adler

If You Have An Exorbitant Amount of Toothbrushes In Your Home You Could Be Suffering From a National Epidemic

February 22nd, 2007
by Rebecca Adler

SYRACUSE, UT-

I’ve been in Utah for a week now.

It’s been a week of good clean fun with my younger sister, Jess.

Jess

(Jess works at a bowling alley)

Country dancing, rock climbing, running, bowling, visiting art museums and watching strange plays have all been on the menu for the past six days.

But now I’m at my parents’ house. (more…)


Greg Boose

Moustaches Aren’t Just for Rides Anymore; They’re for the Children

February 22nd, 2007
by Greg Boose

CHICAGO, IL -

I’ve never tried to grow a moustache before.

Never wanted to.

Never.

Until now.

(more…)


R Kent

France’s Presidential Elections Involve a Lot of Parties, Making for a Springtime Voting Extravaganza!

February 22nd, 2007
by R Kent

By R Kent

PARIS-

One’s a cold-hearted Machiavellian, hell-bent on the presidency, no matter the price.

The other’s the would-be princess, with the Royal name to boot.

It’s the Sarko and Ségo show here in France, and for the next couple months it will be playing around the clock.

But while they may hold the presidential pole position, they aren’t the only candidates. (more…)


Richard Cox

From Russia with Love: Why Enforcing Trust is Mission Impossible

February 21st, 2007
by Richard Cox

TULSA, OK-

Trust is an elusive thing.

It’s hard to know when to let down your guard with someone, to let them see who you really are. And when you’re hurt or betrayed by someone you love, it becomes that much harder to open up to someone else.

But what, exactly, defines betrayal?

(more…)


Zoe Brock

The Love Chronicles, Part 4- In Which the Author Crosses the Seas and Returns to the Bosom of All She Adores….Just to Kick it in the Tits for Good Measure

February 21st, 2007
by Zoe Brock

LOS ANGELES, CA-

As I sit here, intent on typing the third installment (now long overdue and angrily demanded) of this sorry tale, a song begins to shuffle and shimmy out of my speakers…

The song is ‘Do Right Woman’ by Aretha.

Oh, the precious, delightful irony (and another bit of proof to back up my theory that iPods on ’shuffle’ are actually a direct line from God).

God has a sick sense of humor, but we knew that already.

Anyway, where were we?

That’s easy, we were here….

THE COLE FIASCO. PART 3-

The humidity was dense and suffocating. From the moment we debarked the plane the air began molesting us with sticky fingers.

It was hot.

It was wet.

It was like trying to walk through sex.

I loved it.

(more…)


Dawn Corrigan

If I Get Mad at the Old Battleaxe Sometimes It’s Only Because I’m Afraid I’m Going to Wake Up Someday and Be Her

February 19th, 2007
by Dawn Corrigan

SANDY, UT-

Recently, I had a dream in which I beat up my grandmother.

Well, “beat up” is perhaps too strong a phrase. Maybe “roughed up” is more accurate.

The basic plot of the dream had me in a room with some people. My grandmother kept coming to the door, even though we’d asked her not to, because we were in the middle of something urgent. But then the bell would ring again and there my grandmother would be, staring in at everyone with her patented Grandmother Guilt Glare.

Finally the bell rang one time too many for my mean old dream self. I stalked over to the door and yanked it open. “What do you want?” I cried, and when she didn’t answer, I picked her up and flung her across the hall.

(more…)


Rich Ferguson

Stonehenge Isn’t Just in England Anymore…It Can Be at Your Local Pharmacy, Video Store, Coffee Shop…Or Maybe It’s a State of Mind

February 18th, 2007
by Rich Ferguson

LOS ANGELES, CA-

 

We’re all aware of Stonehenge
That world-renown icon, symbolizing power, mystery, and endurance

And while most historians agree

That it was most likely built in the Neolithic Period between 2500 and 2000 BC

To this day there are still conflicting stories
As to who exactly constructed the monument

(more…)


Rich Ferguson

Stonehenge Isn’t Just in England Anymore…It Can Be at Your Local Pharmacy, Video Store, Coffee Shop…Or Maybe It’s a State of Mind

February 18th, 2007
by Rich Ferguson

LOS ANGELES, CA-

 

We’re all aware of Stonehenge

That world-renown icon, symbolizing power, mystery, and endurance

(more…)


Bryan Richards

The Joy of Knowing that I Have Not Yet Destroyed the Possibility of a Happy Life for My Daughter

February 17th, 2007
by Bryan Richards

SEATTLE, WA-

I am the father of a seven year old little girl.

As would any rational parent, I believe - without a doubt - that my daughter is by far the most beautiful, smartest and most lovable child to have ever inhabited this undeserving earth.

And who could deny me my pride?

(more…)


Rebecca Adler

Don’t Tell Me Sacramento Isn’t Diverse; Or We’ve Got Drag Like You’ve Never Seen Before

February 15th, 2007
by Rebecca Adler

SACRAMENTO, CA-

When people think of culturally diverse cities they think of New York City, San Francisco, Seattle, even Portland, Oregon.

They don’t think of Sacramento, California, home of The Governator.

Schwarzenegger

(more…)


Lenore Zion

When You Aren’t Sure Which Wonderful Things In Your Life Are Real And Which Are Not, Remember It’s Not Important To Note The Difference

February 15th, 2007
by Lenore Zion

LOS ANGELES, CA-

The first memory I can remember is this:

My mother, all womby and swollen with my little brother all curled up inside her, was sitting on the couch in our living room. My brother, Tim, and I were jumping up and down on the couch, and my mother put her hand up towards us and said: “Hey, hey! Be careful! There’s a baby in here you know.”

(more…)