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Writers from around the world

Archive for January, 2007

R Kent

R Kent’s Honeymoon, or What You Will Inevitably Find Yourself Doing in Vietnam, Whether You Like It or Not

January 31st, 2007
by R Kent

By R Kent

PARIS-

Vietnam is a burgeoning country, rich in history, an exciting mix of western and Asian cultures, one full of picturesque countryside and vibrant cities.

It is this Vietnam I wrote several articles about upon my return, submitting them to travel publications.

Isabelle and I had an incredible honeymoon in Vietnam, beginning with a relaxing week on the island of Phu Quoc in the Gulf of Thailand, then working our way from Ho Chi Minh City in the south up through the country to the north, finishing on New Year’s Day in Hanoi.

We love the fact that we chose Vietnam as the place to celebrate our marriage, and we’d do it again.

And maybe in the future, I’ll post some of those nice articles I wrote.

But right now I’m giving an alternate view of Vietnam. (more…)


Kip Tobin

Bringing Spanish Porn to the Public, Whilly’s Nilly and the Sudden Urge to Flee

January 31st, 2007
by Kip Tobin

MADRID-

So there I was, one-testicle deep in the world of Spanish porn, unsure as to how I got there.

It began back in October of 2005 when I saw an article in El Mundo (a right-leaning major daily periodical) and a full-page ad in a reputable national music magazine for Follar Tour: La Gira del Infierno (Fuck Tour: The Tour from Hell).

According the website and ads, an entourage of real people—which ostensibly means people who aren’t porn stars—tour various cities throughout Spain and Portugal and engage in coitus on stage or within roped-off areas as the public looked on en masse.

Coitus? (more…)


Reno J. Romero

Bad-Ass Basketball Seats In The New South, or: She May Not Be Ted Nugent With a Bow and Arrow, But Lilia Stepanova is One Hell of a Contortionist

January 31st, 2007
by Reno J. Romero

CHARLOTTE, NC-

The other night I went to a Charlotte Bobcat’s game with my wife and a friend. We had great seats, around six rows from the court.

The Bobcats were playing the Atlanta Hawks.

Both teams are not very good.

(more…)


Jennifer Duffield White

Part 2: Adventures of a Telecommuter and How I Became the Nosy Neighbor With All-Wheel Drive

January 30th, 2007
by Jennifer Duffield White

SARANAC LAKE, NY-

This street is the bane of my telecommuting existence.

On one side of my house, I have this mountain vista.

On the other side, I have that damn doorbell.

The one the Jehovah’s like to test me with (see Part 1).

(more…)


Rich Ferguson

The Firm Bedrock That Was Once My Devout and Singular Allegiance to Canis Lupus Familiaris Is Now Slowly Being Chiseled Away by The Jackhammer of Love…Part I

January 29th, 2007
by Rich Ferguson

LOS ANGELES, CA-

 

Pretty much all my life I’ve been a dog person

Growing up
There’s always been one breed or another
In my house

A. Mutt: Part Collie / Part German shepherd
B. Samoyed Husky
C. Shetland Collie (more…)


Birdie Jaworski

Thirty-six Days Past Solstice at a Cryptic Circle of Dead Refrigerators

January 29th, 2007
by Birdie Jaworski

SANTA FE, NM-

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I shifted from fourth gear to third as I ditched a Santa Fe strip-mall street for the steep grind of uneven asphalt that split a west-side mesa into two snowy halves. My young son, 9, leaned against the door, sketch pad on lap. His hand knew the routine, knew our unkempt roads meant his spaceships sported jagged edges. (more…)


Bryan Richards

Immature Boys Do Foolish Things and Always Grow To Regret Them

January 27th, 2007
by Bryan Richards

 

SEATTLE, WA-

They say that broken bones can heal themselves to become stronger than they ever were before. People claim that this is especially true for children, as their developing bodies will refuse to let a little fracture impede their growth.

(more…)


R Kent

Tales From the French Wedding, Pt. VI: The Ceremony, or How to Support Gay Marriage by Bungling Your French

January 25th, 2007
by R Kent

By R Kent

PARIS-

She wore a dress of the whitest white.

Over it, a gossamer-thin coat, with feather-strewn hood, created a film of faux snow falling about her body.

From under her hood, her brown hair tumbled over her shoulders, wavy and curled.

She looked like a princess in a Russian skazka.

As she and her father walked arm in arm down the aisle, all eyes in the church were on her.

And I tried to figure out just how I should be standing… (more…)


Rebecca Adler

Walk Into Any California Clinic For a Physical or an STD Test and I Guarantee You’ll Feel Like You Won the Sex Lottery

January 25th, 2007
by Rebecca Adler

SACRAMENTO, CA-

I’m having a full body tune-up in the coming weeks.

I’ve got to get things in order before I’m out of a job, out of money and out of health insurance.

I went to the optometrist yesterday (one of my eyes has deteriorated to near blindness).

I got some cavities filled today at the dentist.

And tomorrow I’m having the girl checkup. (more…)


Reno J. Romero

People: When You Wake Up and Have To Go Out Into The Cruel World, Be Strong and Put Your Best Foot Forward, Because There’s a Good Chance Some Human Pig Will Throw Mud in Your Face and Call You an Idiot

January 24th, 2007
by Reno J. Romero

CHARLOTTE, NC-

I had to deposit my check. Which I didn’t want to do. Of course, the direct deposit slip has been sitting on my desk for weeks. It’s under incense ashes and bills. I keep telling myself to fill it out, send it off.

Git R Done!

(more…)


Smibst

My 1st Attempt at Stand-Up Comedy…ROCK ME AMADEUS!

January 24th, 2007
by Smibst

GLENSIDE, PA-

Right before the holidays my computer died.

R.I.P.

The guy from CompUSA said my computer had a “fried motherboard.”

(more…)


Zoe Brock

The Love Chronicles, Part 3- The Continuing Saga of an Author with No Brain and the Ability to Sabotage the Good Stuff

January 24th, 2007
by Zoe Brock

LOS ANGELES, CA-

“I can’t remember what you look like,” I admitted to Cole one day. “I know I thought you were a bit on the yummy side, but let’s face it, I was drunk and slovenly and talking shit on a chaise to a total stranger.”

He paused.

“Check your email,” he said.

He’d sent me a photo of himself walking away from the camera. A tall body and the back of a messy head was all that was visible.

“You’re an asshole,” was all I could muster.

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“Heh. Check it again.”

I checked.

“Yep, you’re funny.”

I examined the crime scene. Self portraits with spilled red paint can appear quite realistic and gory if you squint hard enough.

(more…)


Zoe Brock

The Love Chronicles, Part 2- In Which the Author Introduces the Story of the Love of Her Life (So Far) and How She Completely Fucked Up the Relationship and Regrets It to This Day….A Sad and Woeful Tale with Much Sighing

January 23rd, 2007
by Zoe Brock

LOS ANGELES, CA-

(… BUT ALSO AN ACCEPTANCE OF CHANGE AND A DESIRE TO SEE WHAT’S NEXT.)

His name was Cole and beside him I looked like a midget.

At six feet tall this is no mean feat.

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We met at The Chateau Marmont late on a Spring evening. I wore red leather fuck-me boots and eyes of smoky green, he wore a vintage tuxedo with the word GUCCI embossed all over it.

I looked hot and he looked ridiculous, but in a most intentional way.

We started talking by accident, somehow drawn to each other from across the room, snug in the cushions of a beaten-up chaise. It wasn’t a long conversation, but it was an electric one. We recognized each other but knew we’d never met. He made me laugh, he drew me in, and five minutes later I left him to catch a flight to Australia with no idea when I’d return. I scribbled my email for him in his raggedy journal, downed the remnants of my vodka with regret and stood to go.

Cole stood too, bound by his southern gentlemanly impulses.

“Jesus!” I laughed as he unfurled. “Are you wearing heels?”

(more…)


Kaytie M. Lee

I Miss Giavanna Kersulis, or, Please Give Me a Moment To Quietly Rage Against the Dying of the Light

January 23rd, 2007
by Kaytie M. Lee

SAN DIEGO, CA-

On Friday morning, January 21, 2007, my friend Giavanna died.

Perhaps you can imagine how horrible I find that.

How incomprehensible.

(more…)


Dawn Corrigan

Visiting with The Hungry Artist of Bourbon Street and Other Saturday Night Activities

January 23rd, 2007
by Dawn Corrigan

SALT LAKE CITY, UT-

Recently, my Esteemed Comrade Rich Ferguson wrote about a visit he made to New Orleans several years ago, pre-Katrina, and a magical experience he had there with a street performer named Eldridge.

(The story also involved an old beater Chevy Caprice—always a plus, in my book.)

Rich’s story reminded me of my own visits to New Orleans, each of which also involved magic in some way.

The first time I went to New Orleans, for example, was also the first and only time I performed karaoke.

So that time it was black magic.

(more…)


R Kent

Tales from the French Wedding, Pt V: The Civil Wedding, or How to Get Married In France Before You Get Married in France

January 22nd, 2007
by R Kent

PARIS–

It was Friday night, and I was alone, eating pizza delivery and listening to the rain fall outside my apartment.

I had just cleaned up the bathroom and the kitchen, and vacuumed the floor.

It was the first night of my life as a married man.

And I slept alone.

Isabelle was at her parents’ place across town, bedding down in a large apartment surrounded by loved ones.

And I was alone.

As planned.

See, because though technically I was married, the big ceremony was still fifteen hours away.

In France, you get married twice. (more…)


James Simpson

A Toast to Toast! or The Art and Poetry of Toast (And no, I’m NOT obsessed with toast.)

January 22nd, 2007
by James Simpson

ATLANTA, GA-

I’ve been a casual toast consumer since I was a kid: Wonder Bread and Sunbeam were magical words in that long-ago suburban Florida kitchen with the orange linoleum.

Not that I worship toast or anything, but after all these years of toast consumption I realize how oblivious I’ve been (albeit blissfully) to its rich history and the hard-working professional scholars out there unearthing the truth about the toaster, without which bread would just be bread. (more…)


Rebecca Adler

Instead of Counting Sheep, Might I Suggest a Nice Chardonnay or Perhaps a Cabernet Sauvignon?

January 22nd, 2007
by Rebecca Adler

SACRAMENTO, CA-

When I finished college I thought my drinking days were over.

But from looking at my recent alcohol consumption, they were only beginning. (more…)


Rich Ferguson

Rethinking My Life and Relationships…Or How a Visit to the Wonderful World of Barbie Fairytopia Suddenly Opened My Eyes to a Whole New Way of Living

January 21st, 2007
by Rich Ferguson

LOS ANGELES, CA-

 

My girlfriend and I are in Blockbuster one night
Me, I’m checking out the latest slasher films

When suddenly I hear my girlfriend
Let out a delighted squeal
From the next aisle

“What is it?” I say, thinking she’s come across
A season of Six Feet Under we’d somehow missed

“It’s Barbie,” she says. “Barbie Fairytopia.”

(more…)


Greg Boose

When I Was Eleven Years Old I Would Have Liked to Have Been Kidnapped (But Only For Like Seven Hours)

January 20th, 2007
by Greg Boose

CHICAGO, IL -

The story of Shawn Hornbeck is pretty amazing.

Kidnapped at gunpoint at the age of eleven.

Found alive with a lip ring at the age of fifteen.

(more…)