Saturday, April 29, 2017
Subscribe to our RSS feed:
Hypergraphia has its upsides

Archive for October, 2006

Rich Ferguson

Losing One’s Voice Is One Thing, But Losing The Ability To Readily Understand What A Loved One Is Communicating Through Hand Gestures Is Another Matter Altogether Different

October 31st, 2006
by Rich Ferguson

LOS ANGELES, CA-

 

In Los Angeles
October is the time of month
When the hot, dry Santa Ana winds kick up

Whip through the passes at 100 miles an hour
And make breathing difficult

(more…)


Maureen Quinlan Jouhet

Goblins: A Day to Celebrate the Un-Dead Here In France, What Are You Kidding? Everywhere but the Patisseries, Halloween Is Just Another Day

October 31st, 2006
by Maureen Quinlan Jouhet

AUVERGNE, FR-

Without much in the way of fanfare, Halloween has arrived here in France.

There are no little Spidermans (or Speedermans, as the character is called by French children) roaming the streets.

No girls taking advantage of their big chance to dress like Paris Hilton.

Halloween is just the day before All Saints Day. (more…)


Dawn Corrigan

Why I Almost Committed the Honorable Act of Hari-Kari Last Wednesday; Or, It’s a Wonderful Life, as Long as You Don’t Stick Around Past Your Expiration Date

October 31st, 2006
by Dawn Corrigan

SALT LAKE CITY, UT-

A poetry teacher I once studied with has a poem titled Pecked to Death By Swans.

Coincidentally, the other day at work, my coworker Nick spontaneously created a sculpture that visits the same theme, using some plastic toys he found on the desk of our other coworker, Bill.

I can’t really reuse the poem’s title for it, though, since technically speaking the plastic figures in Nick’s creation are ducks and chickens.

Therefore, I hereby present to you, “Pecked to Death by Fowl.”

(more…)


Reno J. Romero

Passed the Prozac Summers I Go, Picking Up Fallen Maple Leaves in a Football Season that’s Breaking the Very Heart of the Queen City

October 30th, 2006
by Reno J. Romero

CHARLOTTE, NC-

It’s fall.

Thank god.

Summer’s long gone and I couldn’t be happier.

In total I’ve spent twenty-two years in the desert and after twenty-two scorching summers I acquired a deep hate for summer.

(more…)


R Kent

You’re Never Too Old to Indulge in Traditional Childhood Addictions, Even if the French Don’t Understand Halloween

October 30th, 2006
by R Kent

PARIS-

They don’t do Halloween in France.

While I fondly recall spending cool autumn nights as Yoda, pioneer Jim Bowie, and an artichoke (left over from a school play), my poor French fiancée and all other French people have no such memories of paper grocery bags stuffed with snack-size Mr. Goodbars, candy corn, or razor blade-apples.

It’s just not popular here.

Of course, the acceptable age at which I could trick-or-treat passed me by about twenty years ago, and since I stopped trick-or-treating… about fifteen years ago… I really shouldn’t be too concerned about the fact that here I am not afforded even the most hypothetical of such opportunities.

Still, the thought of asking people for free candy and knowing they’re going to give it to me (never in all my years did I actually have to play a trick on anyone) remains appealing to me.

That is why I thought it was a sign when the posters started appearing around town a couple months ago, proclaiming the arrival of the famed Salon du Chocolat, a convention of chocolate confectioners from all over the world, to take place over the weekend before Halloween. (more…)


Zoe Brock

Arty Farty #2: My First Penis Pictorial! Art Is Such A Phallus-y Sometimes

October 29th, 2006
by Zoe Brock

MELBOURNE, AU-

Yesterday I went to the opening of an exhibition at a small art gallery.

I love exhibitions. Especially when they’re small and quirky.

The invitation to the opening was nondescript and black, and gave no indication of what the art was going to be like, or even what medium it was going to presented in. All we could discern from such an oblique invite were the artists’ names, ksubi and Kane, and the title of the new collection.

The title of the show?

“Sunglasses For Dickheads.

We thought we were prepared.

We weren’t.

Being unprepared leaves room for surprises.

I love surprises.

This is what we were confronted with when we walked in the door.

Rocking cocks.

And I don’t mean the rooster variety.

There were no chickens there last night.

Nup. No chickens at all.

Zoebrock10a

(more…)


Kaytie M. Lee

Street Art Part III: In Which I Momentarily Consider Taking Up Street Art as a Vocation, Only to Realize “Cute Puppies” Probably Aren’t Edgy Enough

October 27th, 2006
by Kaytie M. Lee

SAN DIEGO, CA-

As promised, the third and final installment on my posts about street art, unless something else comes to my attention.

Whilst roaming the streets in search of Stue or Nomad or my next cup of coffee, I came across this work of art:

(more…)


Rich Ferguson

Find, Find, Find Them All And They’ll Say…Well, the Trick is To Find Them All First And Then They’ll Probably Say…

October 26th, 2006
by Rich Ferguson

LOS ANGELES, CA-

 

Find the angry dog
The dying houseplant
The noncommittal monosyllabic babbling idiots having a tailgate party
In your first chakra

(more…)


Bryan Richards

I Mean, It’s Not Like I MEANT to Leave the Toilet Seat Up

October 26th, 2006
by Bryan Richards

 

SEATTLE, WA-

We all make mistakes. 

At least that’s how the saying goes.

Mistakes are just like defecation… You do it, I do it, celebrities do it, clergymen do it, and politicians do it more often than the rest.

(more…)


Jennifer Duffield White

An Ode To Spandex Shorts, Briefs, Unitards, Speedsuits And All The Truths Revealed

October 26th, 2006
by Jennifer Duffield White

SARANAC LAKE, NY-

There are certain things you aren’t supposed to admit to—things, people might construe as faults in character.

For instance, say you admit you love spandex—tight, shiny, full-of-flesh fabric.

Some might assume you’re an exhibitionist trapped in an ’80s Aerobic Queen’s unitard.

(more…)


Reno J. Romero

A Glorified Waiter in the Throes of Greasy Spoon Nightmares and the Hand-Job Cravings for Girls Gone Wild

October 26th, 2006
by Reno J. Romero

CHARLOTTE, NC-

I work in the restaurant business.

For better or ill.

I don’t know how many of you folk have ever worked in this business but if you have then you are fully aware that there is a restaurant “lifestyle.”

(more…)


Zoe Brock

ARTY FARTY#1: Strange Inappropriate Arousals and Art, Accompanied By Insects- Just Your Average Melbourne Day

October 24th, 2006
by Zoe Brock

MELBOURNE, AU-

There’s a certain sort of person who fits in nicely at big important art galleries. A person who can marvel at the various and often bizarre eccentricities, affectations and vague nuances that make some artisits stand out above all others. A person who understands–no, lives–for art. These people are educated, smart, sophisticated, earnest.

All the things that, apparently after today, both Dean and I are not.

The final day of the Picasso exhibition at the NGV is clearly not the ideal place for two juvenile, half-baked, insincere, sex-obsessed, overly-obnoxious idiots with an aversion to serious.

Zoebrock9a

PIC-ASS-O. (more…)


Greg Boose

Maybe a Group of Degenerates Live on the Other Side of that Mountain of Salvation Army Overstock, or the Best Halloween Costume Ever

October 23rd, 2006
by Greg Boose

CHICAGO, IL -

William picked me up in his royal blue Volkswagen Beetle, and I thought that was fine because I enjoy seeing people hit each other while I wait in traffic.
(more…)


Rich Ferguson

And You Ask Me How Three Rounds of Miniature Golf, a Half a Bucket of Beers, and Jimmy Buffet and Creed Can Affect Me…Well Let Me Tell You a Thing or Two

October 22nd, 2006
by Rich Ferguson

LOS ANGELES, CA-

 

I’m flipping through the Los Angeles Magazine Best of LA issue
One of its Best Of picks features a miniature golf course out in Valencia
It’s called Greens

(more…)


Smibst

If I Hear the Word “Extreme” One More Time, I’ll Punch Someone Off their Snowboard

October 19th, 2006
by Smibst

PHILADELPHIA, PA-

By far, the most overused marketing buzzword of the day is “extreme.”

Within the past week advertisers have asked me to:

use Right Guard’s Extreme deodorant,

(more…)


Bryan Richards

Erections, Baseball, Boobies and Jesus Are Enough to Make a 12-Year-Old Boy Wonder if Heaven Just Isn’t the Place for Him

October 19th, 2006
by Bryan Richards

 

SEATTLE, WA-

I hated the sixth grade. 

Twelve is perhaps the most ridiculously confusing age in a young boy’s life. It’s an age filled with erections, guilt, panic, paranoia, hair, sweat, baseball, girls, grades and uncertainty.

Come to think of it, that sounds a lot like twenty-nine. (more…)


Lenore Zion

Poor Management Skills Tend to be a Good Scapegoat When You Get Busted Dealing With Sausages In Inappropriate Manners.

October 18th, 2006
by Lenore Zion

LOS ANGELES, CA-

Every time I get a job, my father says to me these exact words: “This is your first real job, Lenore!”

And every time he says these words to me, I remind him that it is, indeed, not my first real job.

Except for when I got my first real job. That time he was correct.

(more…)


Rich Ferguson

High Drama By Way of Shakespeare, Face Off, Bad Fashion, Little Old Ladies Really Needing to Go to the Bathroom, and Everyday Life in LA

October 16th, 2006
by Rich Ferguson

LOS ANGELES, CA-

 

Over the summer
My girlfriend and I
Went to see an outdoor production of Shakespeare’s As You Like It
In Barnsdall Art Park

For those of you who’ve never been to Barnsdall
I’ll give you a brief description of the park
It sits high atop a hill in LA and provides a scenic view of the city

(more…)


Maureen Quinlan Jouhet

Phrases Such as ‘The Universe Has a Sense of Humor’ Are Terribly Over-Used, Yet That’s the Best Phrase I Can Think of to Describe This

October 13th, 2006
by Maureen Quinlan Jouhet

AUVERGNE, FR-

Since I have known Fred - in fact, before I even “knew him” knew him - I knew that he hated his job.

It was one of the first things he told me.

Hi, my name is Fred and I hate my job.

The work was boring.

The company lacked a soul. (more…)


Jennifer Duffield White

The Useful Nature Of Juice Boxes And Skinny Wrists When Faced With Funeral Functions

October 13th, 2006
by Jennifer Duffield White

SARANAC LAKE, NY-

My arms are abnormally skinny.

People shudder and raise their eyebrows, as though maybe some eating disorder is the skeleton in my
closet—the skeleton of my arms.

The rest of my body is not this thin, really.

I admit, I let it get to me. (more…)